pre- 20th birthday

so here i'm writing again. and actually today i want to do some complain.

i know, no one need to prepare me a birthday celebration, and i shouldn't have expected anything. but my friends, all my old friends are doing it for me, and for that i'm really happy and appreciates it. but when it came to a point where no one give a f*king comment about anything, i pretty pissed off and i just want to screw the whole damn thing up.

Senese and Tina were doing so many hard works for making it happen, that i really appreciate their works. but since Tina is doing her exams, she doesn't has enough time for everything. and i totally understand her situation, but for the rest they don't seem to be bothered. seriously, if that's a very uncommon and something screwing up your schedule, that's fine, really. i shouldn't have expected anything at the first place.

but however, i really hope they can make it, even though i feel like a queer for doing all the reservation thinggie for my own birthday celebration. no last minute cancellation, that's totally great already.

and i called Priya to ask her about our plan tomorrow. for this it is a real last minute plan. i don't know what should we do for tomorrow, so i called her up and ask for her suggestions, and she was really helpful. so everything was done in 30 minutes, and what i need to do is picking her up. driving is always my job. and Peggy is being very helpful too, she goona pack some cupcakes for all of us. and my absolute purpose for tomorrow celebration is simply gathering with my best friends and chit chat for a while. a very simple dinner will do, the most important thing is they are there celebrating my birthday, that's more than enough.

and even now, i feel terrible for not celebrating Priya's birthday. this year, i swear no matter what i'm doing it for her. i said she is my best friend and she would be my best friend eternally. and as a best friend i need to do something for her on her birthday. it sounds like atone but i just want to do something for her, even though it is already late.

and i've been whining while chatting with Priya on Facebook. about Frank. i know i shouldn't have talk anything bad at my best friend's back, but he always, making me feel so bad. i don't even know whether he treasures our friendship, even for once. i can assure you for all those time i'm doing the job just making it balance, call him up, call him out, finding topic to chat with him, taking dinner or lunch or breakfast together. but why am i doing all this things all the time, ALWAYS? why can't he do it for once? WHY? he never show me that he appreciates my presence, as a good friend. to maintain a friend isn't easy, is like how you plating a plant, you would have to water it and given it fertilizers. but, why?

already almost a month after my last call to him, and he never seem to ring me. i was thinking if one day i stop contacting him, would he stops too? i'm doubting our friendship, how much he did to maintain our friendship. i know he has his own life in Kampar, he made new friends, he had a brand new life, a brand new page in his book of life. but never forget you have your old friends here in your hometown! your parents! why must people doing initiative all the time where you don't give a fuck? for all the hard works i had paid off, did you even realize it and start doing your part? i can't be doing it all the time, it requires your works too. you can't be throwing those burdens just to me! a hand makes no applause, you understand that don't you?!

i'm too stupid for every hard works i've done where you are like intended to fuck up the whole thing. i'm too tired for that. i should take Priya's advice, stop calling him. yes i should. i was too bewildering that will he call me to wish me a 'happy birthday'. i don't want a text, i want a call. a text everyone can do it, but a call is totally a different story. only good friends or best friends who treasures their friendship will do calls to keep them remember your voices, or miss your voices.

so let see, to him, our friendship worth a call or a text.

and Wen just texted me saying that she wants to celebrate my birthday. even after i told her that i would go for dinner with them without her, she still being so considerate and even try to make me feel better:

"never mind, we will celebrate a belated birthday!"

and i'm so happy for that, thanks for everything Wen.

and i just told her that we BOTH will celebrate our belated birthday together, and would be fun!

and in my birthday post, i goona make it as fantastic, as fascinating, as awesome as i could.

can't wait for my 20th birthday!!!