compare to last time, friendship issues goona haunted me for at least a month, but right now i take less than 5 days to get everything done, let it go, put it down. now everything seems peaceful as if nothing ever happened.
but my peace mind got distracted too early. indeed it was really too early. deep in night around 3am plus, yes, 3am which i still sleeping i got a call. when i look at the screen it was an anonymous. anyway i still picked the call. guess what, it was Stacy- Ka Seng's girlfriend.
i was kind of startled. i was sleeping and out of a sudden she calls me? for whatever reason it is not goona be a good night afterwards. i was wondering why she called me in such an early morning where everyone still sleeping, she should be slept anyway. and our conversation last for an hour.
she told me about Ka Seng. what else could it be, she's trying so hard to convince me to call him or text him or find him or whatsoever. there was too many things we talked on the phone, and in my understanding, she wants me to go back to him like nothing ever happens.
but Stacy, i admit that you are indeed a very good girlfriend. Ka Seng has you by his side that is totally his luck, and i'm glad for him. but the things between us is complicated where Priya doesn't want to get involved any further. even if one day we happen to talk to each other, that's not going to bring back the way we used to be like last time cuz' scar is there after a wound.
and about the messages you sent me, i reread again and again just to convince myself to forget about the past and moves forward together, the three of us, enjoy our day and night together, go with whatever plans in our mind and things like that. but this is a cruel life, and it has no script. whatever in our mind not going to play like what we'd imagined, it so not going to happen! i told myself - 'Bryan, you can't be so soft hearted. cuz' of her call you goona change your mind which you'd made up months ago?'
it's no longer about... dignity or face or argument, it is i simply don't want such awkward moment anymore. since we're in college, we're too awkward to even talk rudely to each other. i tried so hard to be as natural as possible where you one day would act naturally a bit... ahh i don't want to write anymore about this, too many things actually, i'm so tired of clarifying this again and again...
but honestly, at my little space here i don't need to make any lie. i totally has nothing towards him. none of us did anything wrong, it just that since last time our friendship isn't that strong that's why it leads to such an ending. even one day if anyone talks bad about him i will totally stand up for him, really. i still care about him but it is in my own private way. i don't contact with him doesn't mean that i don't concern about his status anymore. just whenever i ask about him from Priya she just purposely skip the topic by bringing up a new one.
anyway, that no longer a thing which matters. there are too many things happening every day, we have actually no time to look back. if one day we happen to see each other in shopping mall, that is great! maybe we can chat for a minute or two. if it doesn't happen, that's fine. i believe on faith, it will leads the way if we believe on it. life goes on, whatever happens we would have to move forward. :)
your girlfriend is a good girl just looking at how she treats you. keeps her, never let go such a precious gift. whatever she did is all for you and no one else.
and here i wish your father recover as soon as possible. everything will be just fine.
last, i think i already sorted this problem out. thank God for your mercy.
take care, my friend.
p/s: if one cares, he cares, in his own way.
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