today is my last day, and now i declare that i officially ended up working at LBCA. After working for 8 months continuously, finally i can enjoy few weeks of holiday before i start studying. i got to get enough of rest at the very first place.
since it is my last day at LBCA, i talked to Ms Lee and we chatted for a while. I really thank her for teaching me so many stuffs. Those stuffs were some philosophical things where i need to be aware while socialize with people. And the thing that she kept mentioning to me was 'do not let fear overpowered you, you are young so go for what you want'. I actually feel kinda good talking to Ms Lee. My colleagues said she blabbers a lot while for me, yes even though sometime she's kind of.. annoying but she's our boss and she wants our performance to keep on the line, which is normal. All employers want their employees to be good on their performances, included my father. He's self-employed himself, so he actually has high expectation on his workers, somehow.
Anyway back to my old topic, i always wander too far from what i want to say. So, yeah, i feel very good talking to her. She's just different to my parents, her mind, her thinking is quite different. For her age she's so much braver than all other parents. I think because she reads a lot. She reads so many things which helps her to think what is really good and bad for her and her children. This is the main thing where the big difference was. She keeping herself updated with informations and improving herself from time to time. My parents, anyway, they didn't really like to read. They are just watching movies after working for the whole day.
You know what Ms Lee told me in the talk, she said she can work like 24 7, but she chose not to cuz' humans need rest. I understand the situation between she and my parents was different. My parents work as technician where Ms Lee works as a lawyer, a profession. She doesn't require a great energy to do her works but still can earn big bucks while my parents aren't. But still, i insisted that my parents somehow need to be more relax, take rest in their life. They had been working so hard up to a point that they almost spoilt their health. Their legs, their joints, they kept complaining those parts were aching. Whenever i give my advices they will take my advice like a kid advice. So actually now i don't want to talk so much, they hardly take my advice seriously. I kind of.. tired talking to them cuz' sometime they don't understand it. And they are really bad on giving people advices.
And she emphasized too that life has so many ups and downs where i don't need to take things too seriously. She said once that she was working in a big firm, her boss was kinda bossy and fussy and nasty for everything. She couldn't even stay on the line for long or her boss would nag her afterwards. From there i know Ms Lee walked a tough journey last time, too. The hard works she had done enabled her to sit here in the office to run the whole firm. She talked to me so i know she has a kind heart, just that sometime she doesn't know how to express. Actually we couldn't blame her, she is the boss where dignity indeed is important for her. We would need to respect her, for any and everything. The ups and downs, take it easily where the downs could cause suicide. Don't be down for too long cuz' there are so many important and good and precious things waiting to be done. Everything, you just have to put it down and let it go as fast as you can. Don't dwell with it for too long, that's suffering where we don't deserve that.
Be decent to people and at the same time, be careful of people who purposely comes and makes friend with you. Please understand his/her intention so you won't be fooled. Just, we have to be so careful of everything going through our hand. And the performance is important, for one day you would realize that the skills you possessed is what kept you earning. When you're young, travel the world, for whatever reasons just go for it, whether it's cultural, money or whatsoever, go and meet different people and you'll too learn so many things at the same time.
This one, for few times i talked to Ms Lee she kept on saying it to me like hinting something important where it's like a trap i can never falls in. A girlfriend. it was kinda cute where she kept mentioning to me that don't ever let girls dumped you. Be smart. The girls now days were terrible, they're materialistic. They could have controlled you thoroughly to pay for every of their expenses. She said so much about this where i couldn't else remembered. Just that even if one day i have a girlfriend, and one day i broke up with her, don't be too down for that cuz' she's just part of your life which could be seen as insignificant. Don't ever take it like overwhelmingly. Spending so much time on her, please remember there are parents too you need to take care. Talk to them, spend time with them. They are the persons who irreplaceable.
Ah, finally, i remembered it. She asked me what happen if you broke something precious, will you parents making a big issue of it? I said yes. In fact that is a truth. They are. You know what she said? She said if that is something found broken, which is made up by materials, that's fine, just let the kids know that next time be more careful. Those materials thinggie is replaceable, as long as you have money, what is the big deal of it? See, she has a point. I took her advice, for this, utterly i agree.
I don't know how to express anymore my gratitude to her. She's amazing, for me. I told her a little about my family backgrounds and she seems to understand it, i think it's because she went through that phase. For our family money is very important to keep us warm, full, protected and breathing. Yes. So at the end she asked me how I goona do after i stop working, i start studying? I told her that i goona find a part time job on Saturday and Sunday. And she offered me a part time job which i have to talk to Vicki. I don't know whether one day i would go back again working as a part timer but i thank her so much for offering this to me.
And too she kept saying to keep in touch with cm and the gang, feel free to call back to maybe grab a lunch or asking for legal advices or things like that. Thank you so much Ms Lee. The good you had done i couldn't repay, but it would always stay in the bottom of my heart. The appreciation would never faded away.
'Stop working here isn't meaning the end of everything.'- Ms Lee. That's so true, i'll keep that in mind, in my mind where once in my life there's LBCA members came into my circle where they branded their good in my heart which can never be removed.
And Poh Chu, her compliments made me so freaking happy, of course in silence. She said I've done a very good job throughout the whole time. And Vicki added on a sentence: since 2002, the best man ever came into LBCA after the skirt-wearing Christopher. HAHAHA that was hilarious. Thank them for making my life even more complete.
And talked to Andrea too, she wished me all the best in my coming challenges and undertakings. And aunty, our tea lady, she doesn't know how to talk good but i can feel her sincerity. I believe there's no way humans can be prefect, she is one of them, and i can totally understand her. But anyway, she still wished me all the best too, and next time i'm welcomed to come back to LBCA just to grab a cup of milo- my breakfast ;D
Yen, Jasmine and CM i didn't get to talk much to them, cuz' we're too comfortable to each other. We will talk more on Thursday, during our dinner, where Ms Lee might be there too, i don't know, they said Vicki will try to arrange. I just hope they don't mind. Oh, and Ms Low too. I hardly interact with her, but still thank her a lot. Without her email to Ms Lee, i wouldn't be even interview and was hired and now already leaving to further my study. THANKS MS LOW!
Haihhh, the laughter i'm goona miss. They made me possessed an unforgettable memory.
So for now, i'm so looking forward to our dinner on Thursday! My camera! Get ready! we are going to take at least one last group photo!!!
beg and endure
on Monday, July 30, 2012
i was trying to borrow my father's car cuz' my car doesn't have air-conditioner. To be specific my car's air-conditioner broke down long ago. not that i don't want to repair it, just that it costs a fortune to get it repaired. Moreover after tomorrow i officially ended working at LBCA, i do not have any income anymore, don't feel like spending any extra.
Back to my old story, i was trying to borrow my dad's car and he said no. and that was actually fine cuz' the car is belongs to him, i don't have any authority to blackmail him to borrow me that car. It's just that i got to find another way to go for the farewell dinner my colleagues planned for me.
The farewell dinner was actually planned quite long time ago, just that CM isn't good with any of the time we suggested. And now i still don't know after changing the dinner from today to the coming Thursday, will it still work out. Anyway, i just simply want to have a dinner with them before i leave to my new house, which part of me want to go and the other part of me doesn't want to go.
it was like 50 50. A decision which kind of hard to make. Here the place i stay for the last 10 years and all of a sudden i have to move away from my childhood memories, my friends, my teachers, my normal dinning place, the pasar malam, all of them which make my heart to heavy.
The other part kept calling me to leave. this is a cursed place. it is cursing you to stay here forever like never want you to move forward. Here this place i admit that there are plenty of good and unforgettable memories but there are still a lot which is bad. Or i should say i want to escape from all the problems. i'm a coward. I can't help it. it calls me to start me new life, live a different life, live a life where there has no expectations on you, live a life that no one would question you whatever you do.
it's not about the car thinggie which made me say so much about this future fantasies. i just.. don't want to expect anything anymore cuz' that's so unrealistic. When that thing isn't yours and you want to borrow it someone, whether people agree or disagree it's still up to their choice cuz' they possessed it, simple as that. as usual, as what i've said all the time, i don't want to rely on people. include parents, include friends, include relatives, just anyone. i can totally live independently.
that's the thing. when you rely on people you would have to own their agreement. And i don't want that. whatever i do i don't have need their 'yes', i just want to do whatever i want. a car of my own, a house of my own, whatever thing i want to live a independent life. i don't need those who upsets me.
when you are begging for something, you would have to endure it.
and i certainly don't want that.
Back to my old story, i was trying to borrow my dad's car and he said no. and that was actually fine cuz' the car is belongs to him, i don't have any authority to blackmail him to borrow me that car. It's just that i got to find another way to go for the farewell dinner my colleagues planned for me.
The farewell dinner was actually planned quite long time ago, just that CM isn't good with any of the time we suggested. And now i still don't know after changing the dinner from today to the coming Thursday, will it still work out. Anyway, i just simply want to have a dinner with them before i leave to my new house, which part of me want to go and the other part of me doesn't want to go.
it was like 50 50. A decision which kind of hard to make. Here the place i stay for the last 10 years and all of a sudden i have to move away from my childhood memories, my friends, my teachers, my normal dinning place, the pasar malam, all of them which make my heart to heavy.
The other part kept calling me to leave. this is a cursed place. it is cursing you to stay here forever like never want you to move forward. Here this place i admit that there are plenty of good and unforgettable memories but there are still a lot which is bad. Or i should say i want to escape from all the problems. i'm a coward. I can't help it. it calls me to start me new life, live a different life, live a life where there has no expectations on you, live a life that no one would question you whatever you do.
it's not about the car thinggie which made me say so much about this future fantasies. i just.. don't want to expect anything anymore cuz' that's so unrealistic. When that thing isn't yours and you want to borrow it someone, whether people agree or disagree it's still up to their choice cuz' they possessed it, simple as that. as usual, as what i've said all the time, i don't want to rely on people. include parents, include friends, include relatives, just anyone. i can totally live independently.
that's the thing. when you rely on people you would have to own their agreement. And i don't want that. whatever i do i don't have need their 'yes', i just want to do whatever i want. a car of my own, a house of my own, whatever thing i want to live a independent life. i don't need those who upsets me.
when you are begging for something, you would have to endure it.
An Honored Flashback
another poem: An Honoured Flashback
An Honored Flashback
I’m a young man, with a pure nervous mind
it’s my first day, hoping things goona be alright
Teacher arranges our place, front back left and right
I got seated in front of two noisy freak guys
Their playful moments in class
Their annoyance I admit can’t deny
But without those voices behind
It would never made our bonds that fine
Remember another column at the left
Two cranky ladies looked faintly naïve
Keep in mind that if you caught their nerves
They goona chase and beat you up mercilessly
Move your sight to the back like voyaging sails
Look, It’s a clumsy girl in pony tail!
Study her eyes, see nothing but innocently real
By time you know her, she’s insanely ill!
The bells rang, the crowds switching classes
Unsurprisingly those study Nazis never stop moving their pencils and erasers
An exception found after watches that three ladies in glasses
As long as a comic in their hand, they couldn’t been else bothered!
It’s Thursday! All of us can’t wait for recess
Cuz’ this day always rescuing us from depress
Guess what, Elaine’s always has rice balls in excess
The fillings that melt, the taste could never be expressed!
‘Shit, they’re planning a spot check!’, yelled them.
‘Fuck, I brought a few decks!’, doomed and damned.
‘Look, let it be, we screwed up.’, we looked out there.
‘Holy shit…’, we said in uniform, looking at the cane amid the air.
What a boring day, it’s exams again
Ask the nerdies, they always well prepared
My gang said that they forgot about the exams
See, we never made each other feel bad!
Years and years, X’mas and New Year came and gone
Stages and stages, the personality we newly owned
Time taken getting used to it, indeed that’s like a haunt
Slowly accepted the facts that we’re now grown
The arguments that which made us frown
The tears that which tearing leave us wounds
Despite jeopardies, we showered love even though it’s ruined
Can’t forgive mistakes? I won’t, you won’t, we won’t!
I Believe God’s faith had led us
We’re like stars people freaking envious
Promise in future we would never biased
Live a splendid friendship only we could liaise!
Written with love by Wu Sai Kit
Dedicated to:
Senese Wong, Tina Chee, HuiWen Neptune, Ivy Lim, Kai Shin, Elaine Chia, Bosco Chien, Chee Chung Cheng
A friendship which irreplaceable, I hope you guys will like it.
And thanks for all the efforts being made. Appreciation in my deepest heart.
Leave
what should i do? i'm very sad.. i thought i already get over that shitty incident, but today it strikes me again, a very hard one.
when you know that your friend came back to town and he doesn't even mention a thing about it, what would you feel? i get to know this from one of my friends, not him. and i should really blame myself for expecting things sooo much, especially from human.
what's our friendship? it doesn't worth a thing? you know i was really very sad that you already forgotten me even existed in your life before? how about the moments we had had together?
Priya was right. She said she doesn't believe on those friendship myth when she's 14. you hurt badly when one fails to live up to your expectations.
i should blame myself, always blame myself.
you never know, you always never know.
you'll regret that there was once a friend who so concern about you are now leaving you cuz' of your ignorance.
you had lost a friend you once took you as his best friend seriously.
i wish you... all the best.
when you know that your friend came back to town and he doesn't even mention a thing about it, what would you feel? i get to know this from one of my friends, not him. and i should really blame myself for expecting things sooo much, especially from human.
what's our friendship? it doesn't worth a thing? you know i was really very sad that you already forgotten me even existed in your life before? how about the moments we had had together?
Priya was right. She said she doesn't believe on those friendship myth when she's 14. you hurt badly when one fails to live up to your expectations.
i should blame myself, always blame myself.
you never know, you always never know.
you'll regret that there was once a friend who so concern about you are now leaving you cuz' of your ignorance.
you had lost a friend you once took you as his best friend seriously.
i wish you... all the best.
if one cares, he cares, in his own way.
on Thursday, July 26, 2012
i feel myself getting stronger, as in mentally stronger.
compare to last time, friendship issues goona haunted me for at least a month, but right now i take less than 5 days to get everything done, let it go, put it down. now everything seems peaceful as if nothing ever happened.
but my peace mind got distracted too early. indeed it was really too early. deep in night around 3am plus, yes, 3am which i still sleeping i got a call. when i look at the screen it was an anonymous. anyway i still picked the call. guess what, it was Stacy- Ka Seng's girlfriend.
i was kind of startled. i was sleeping and out of a sudden she calls me? for whatever reason it is not goona be a good night afterwards. i was wondering why she called me in such an early morning where everyone still sleeping, she should be slept anyway. and our conversation last for an hour.
she told me about Ka Seng. what else could it be, she's trying so hard to convince me to call him or text him or find him or whatsoever. there was too many things we talked on the phone, and in my understanding, she wants me to go back to him like nothing ever happens.
but Stacy, i admit that you are indeed a very good girlfriend. Ka Seng has you by his side that is totally his luck, and i'm glad for him. but the things between us is complicated where Priya doesn't want to get involved any further. even if one day we happen to talk to each other, that's not going to bring back the way we used to be like last time cuz' scar is there after a wound.
and about the messages you sent me, i reread again and again just to convince myself to forget about the past and moves forward together, the three of us, enjoy our day and night together, go with whatever plans in our mind and things like that. but this is a cruel life, and it has no script. whatever in our mind not going to play like what we'd imagined, it so not going to happen! i told myself - 'Bryan, you can't be so soft hearted. cuz' of her call you goona change your mind which you'd made up months ago?'
it's no longer about... dignity or face or argument, it is i simply don't want such awkward moment anymore. since we're in college, we're too awkward to even talk rudely to each other. i tried so hard to be as natural as possible where you one day would act naturally a bit... ahh i don't want to write anymore about this, too many things actually, i'm so tired of clarifying this again and again...
but honestly, at my little space here i don't need to make any lie. i totally has nothing towards him. none of us did anything wrong, it just that since last time our friendship isn't that strong that's why it leads to such an ending. even one day if anyone talks bad about him i will totally stand up for him, really. i still care about him but it is in my own private way. i don't contact with him doesn't mean that i don't concern about his status anymore. just whenever i ask about him from Priya she just purposely skip the topic by bringing up a new one.
anyway, that no longer a thing which matters. there are too many things happening every day, we have actually no time to look back. if one day we happen to see each other in shopping mall, that is great! maybe we can chat for a minute or two. if it doesn't happen, that's fine. i believe on faith, it will leads the way if we believe on it. life goes on, whatever happens we would have to move forward. :)
your girlfriend is a good girl just looking at how she treats you. keeps her, never let go such a precious gift. whatever she did is all for you and no one else.
and here i wish your father recover as soon as possible. everything will be just fine.
last, i think i already sorted this problem out. thank God for your mercy.
take care, my friend.
p/s: if one cares, he cares, in his own way.
hurts no feeling
on Monday, July 23, 2012
i was waiting Tina to upload her photos but she seems very busy, i didn;t even see her online since last Friday. so for the moment i would just be patience i guess.
about today i followed my parents to PJ home. we have got plenty works to do, and yes, now from a broken house transformed to a brand new house now where humans can live now :D 3 days energy finish in a single day. nearly 9pm we left our house for dinner, cool huh?!
and last Friday night, when my biirthday is about to end, around 11.50pm, i received a text from a friend, a long lost contact friend. i should be happy by that time, but it seemed rage took over perfectly. for an instant i was so happy he remembers but in not more than 4 seconds, i got pissed.
actually i was waiting his call since 12am on Friday, but apparently not. okay, maybe that's fine, i would just wait for his text. and who knows, his text was the last message i get on that day. i just said i got pissed about his last minute greeting, and i think i already started a fight with him.
our conversations were like:
".... last minute birthday wish, still on time."
"i don't want to talk to you..."
"Why?"
"No heart"
"sry :x"
"... that's all?"
that was my last message to him, and that's the end.
he is so important in my life. the moments we spent together i will never forget. i tried to be understanding all the time that he's that kind of person who doesn't know how to express himself. he is very passive so i have to be active most of the time. he hides his feeling perfectly so i tried to guess his thought sometime.
he was an introvert when i first met him. i told myself i should bring him out to socialize with people, the first would be my gang of friends. they are friendly and that for 100% no problem. i was spoon-feeding him and step by step he gets well and better and good and now he knows how to carry himself. i am so glad and thankful to God that he is finally grown up.
what i'd said here i don't mean anything, never for once i hoping for returns. what i want is he will appreciate me, as a friend which is important to him. but what he'd done, i doubting it. since that day he complaint to me how his best friend treats him, despite everything, he walked me back home and then go straight to his best friend's home to find him.
yes, despite every time i got kicked out from his best friend's home, he said he'll never put is head into shit anymore. i know that is not true, no matter what he WOULD go back to him. and last time i went to Kampar with him. i went there not simply to take a look around but to accompany him. i knew that he wants to sleep at his best friend's hostel, but he wasn't so welcoming him. eventually ended up sleeping beside me. i didn't say anything you know, i just feel so sorry for him. he should be treated better. i even stood up for him. but just see what i got as RETURN.
i whined last time about Frank. why? why every single hurt he had done on him he will still go back to him? is that the word FAITH i don't understand? is that really no matter how i do i don't deserve a place in his heart or something? and now i got slapped by myself. i was the same. i did the same damn thing to myself. he did something hurt me so bad and he has no idea about it, and i forgive him in silence and he took me as granted, and the funniest part is i say 'never mind, i don't mind, i believe one day hard works do pay out, i trust on myself one day he would appreciate my existence'
but no, i waited him so long. but he never turn back. i don't get anything from him. i don't even deserve a call. i am so not important in his circle. i did the calls, i did the texts, i did the drivings, i did the hangout plans, i did the active role, i did so many things which i now couldn't remember. look, what kind of shitty situation i put myself in? i was hurt badly.
i heart was aching now writing this entry. i could not believe a friend i care so much since the beginning he just turn away like that.
Phui Nying called me on Friday evening to wish me a happy birthday. even she knows my birthday and she CALL ME. and seriously, i'm so happy about this. thank you so much. she too at the same time asked me:
"did you talk to Frank these days?"
"no, why?"
"he seems like having troubles."
"what kind of troubles?"
"i guess it's cuz' of exams and environment he still struggling."
"but, he is fine right?"
"yeah, kinda now. he got better now compares to past few weeks."
"he didn't call me."
"really?"
"i did the calls all the time, and he couldn't be bothered."
i summarized our conversations. i actually called her back the second time asking about him. after i got the call from her the only thing wandering in my mind was his circumstances. i only have chance to call Phui Nying the second time until working hours had ended. and so she told me more. and during that moment i'm still desperately waiting his call.
he upset me successfully. i understood what he is undergoing but i'm not in his first place that he thinks to call. but that's fine, he has new friends there so... but not even a birthday call? he said something like 'last minute wishes', and what is that suppose to mean? you forgot?
that time you said you want a male cardigan and i start looking one for you as your birthday present. i am even thinking how suppose i send the present to you in Kampar. i can send it via Fedex but i scared there were no one to acknowledge when you go to university. see, i was obviously thinking too much, something hasn't happen and i start planning for a guy who doesn't even give a shit about me.
my parents and sister always say that by time he sends me a message or bring a cup of 'midnight drink' you will totally forgive whatever he had done which is so hurtful. for that i couldn't disagree more, that's very true. for someone i totally care about, yes, why i need to hold a grudge against him, right?
but he broke my heart. this time, whatever he planning to do no longer makes a difference. if one day he happens to appear in front of my house i would just ask him 'what are you planning to do.' and i am not kidding. i already wanted to start an argument to him. whatever i hide all these times i would fired all whole-heartedly to him. i no longer mind cuz' he no longer mind about this friend.
if he cares about this friend, one day he would do something he did previously to his best friend.
but for this moment, i totally heartbroken where i couldn't feel a slight pain in my chest anymore.
20th celebration
on Saturday, July 21, 2012
and today was the best day in July. i celebrated my birthday with my friends!!!
i'm apparently too tired to blog, but i want to just make an entry at least there're record in my blog.
we went to La bla bla bla, i couldn't remember the name, but it is an Italian Restaurant. even though the foods were expensive but i had fun there with my friends. maybe the food was too much for some of them, i apologize for such inconsideration. :(
and Tina brought her camera as well, so there were 2 cameras taking photos. but apparently her's one was the one uses most often to take picture, quality is actually so much better than mine. so the rest of the pictures, especially group photos were with her, i have to wait her to upload online and download it again for my own copy. yeah maybe quality will be a little, different but i don't mind if she doesn't have time to pass the original one to me.
and after dinner we went to yean's house eat the cake they prepared for me <3
that was so sweet of them. that cake was special, i think that cake cost a fortune if i guess the price right. moreover the presents they had prepared for me, i don't think that would be cheap, really. a sweater vest which i told Yean earlier that i am looking for it, and now all of a sudden they bought one for me as my present. and Yean personally prepared me another present, which is a Polo-T. that polo, as i know it is very expensive. i don't know what should i say, kind of shy to accept such expensive gift from my her... haihhh how could you be sooo sweet? and the rest of them? God they are just sooooo sweet!!!
see, how could i say i'm not melting in front of them? they are just... awesome, wonderful, amazing and... and... the nicest friends!
to make it easier: guys, best friend forever!
guys thank you for such amazing night. Your presence had made the night special just like we brought back the moments we were in secondary school. Thanks ♥♥♥
i'm apparently too tired to blog, but i want to just make an entry at least there're record in my blog.
we went to La bla bla bla, i couldn't remember the name, but it is an Italian Restaurant. even though the foods were expensive but i had fun there with my friends. maybe the food was too much for some of them, i apologize for such inconsideration. :(
and Tina brought her camera as well, so there were 2 cameras taking photos. but apparently her's one was the one uses most often to take picture, quality is actually so much better than mine. so the rest of the pictures, especially group photos were with her, i have to wait her to upload online and download it again for my own copy. yeah maybe quality will be a little, different but i don't mind if she doesn't have time to pass the original one to me.
and after dinner we went to yean's house eat the cake they prepared for me <3
that was so sweet of them. that cake was special, i think that cake cost a fortune if i guess the price right. moreover the presents they had prepared for me, i don't think that would be cheap, really. a sweater vest which i told Yean earlier that i am looking for it, and now all of a sudden they bought one for me as my present. and Yean personally prepared me another present, which is a Polo-T. that polo, as i know it is very expensive. i don't know what should i say, kind of shy to accept such expensive gift from my her... haihhh how could you be sooo sweet? and the rest of them? God they are just sooooo sweet!!!
see, how could i say i'm not melting in front of them? they are just... awesome, wonderful, amazing and... and... the nicest friends!
to make it easier: guys, best friend forever!
guys thank you for such amazing night. Your presence had made the night special just like we brought back the moments we were in secondary school. Thanks ♥♥♥
Pre-20th Birthday Celebration!
on Friday, July 20, 2012
actually i want to compress everything in one post, but i can't hide my feeling anymore! birthday, that definitely is the best day throughout the whole year where you have FRIENDS to celebrate with!!
and today i celebrated my pre-birthday celebration, with Priya. She brought me to one of the restaurants near her house, i couldn't remember its name, but the foods were really nice! she brought me to a very nice dining place indeed!
and after dinner we went to Ampang Point to get my cupcakes. she insisted to buy me a cupcake cuz' she said IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!! God!! thanks so freakin much Priya. with cupcakes in our hand, we bumped into Starbucks to tuck a candle into my cupcake and start celebrating it :D
and i spent her a cup of hot chocolate for no reason. i simply want everyone to be happy! i know she's studying and she earns hard bucks, so that's not a big deal! the main thing is WE HAD FUN!!! thanks so much Priya, without you my life would definitely be dull!!
your birthday, we are totally celebrating it together!!!
and at about 12am my parents and sister came up to my room and sang me an edited 'happy birthday' song LOL!! so sweet of them. actually that was kind of predictable when sis got so panic saw me walking into the kitchen. i know they prepared something for me. but i don't want to ruin their surprise to me, so i just kept quiet. still thank you so much i <3 you guys <3
and today i celebrated my pre-birthday celebration, with Priya. She brought me to one of the restaurants near her house, i couldn't remember its name, but the foods were really nice! she brought me to a very nice dining place indeed!
and after dinner we went to Ampang Point to get my cupcakes. she insisted to buy me a cupcake cuz' she said IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!! God!! thanks so freakin much Priya. with cupcakes in our hand, we bumped into Starbucks to tuck a candle into my cupcake and start celebrating it :D
and i spent her a cup of hot chocolate for no reason. i simply want everyone to be happy! i know she's studying and she earns hard bucks, so that's not a big deal! the main thing is WE HAD FUN!!! thanks so much Priya, without you my life would definitely be dull!!
your birthday, we are totally celebrating it together!!!
and at about 12am my parents and sister came up to my room and sang me an edited 'happy birthday' song LOL!! so sweet of them. actually that was kind of predictable when sis got so panic saw me walking into the kitchen. i know they prepared something for me. but i don't want to ruin their surprise to me, so i just kept quiet. still thank you so much i <3 you guys <3
pre- 20th birthday
on Thursday, July 19, 2012
so here i'm writing again. and actually today i want to do some complain.
i know, no one need to prepare me a birthday celebration, and i shouldn't have expected anything. but my friends, all my old friends are doing it for me, and for that i'm really happy and appreciates it. but when it came to a point where no one give a f*king comment about anything, i pretty pissed off and i just want to screw the whole damn thing up.
Senese and Tina were doing so many hard works for making it happen, that i really appreciate their works. but since Tina is doing her exams, she doesn't has enough time for everything. and i totally understand her situation, but for the rest they don't seem to be bothered. seriously, if that's a very uncommon and something screwing up your schedule, that's fine, really. i shouldn't have expected anything at the first place.
but however, i really hope they can make it, even though i feel like a queer for doing all the reservation thinggie for my own birthday celebration. no last minute cancellation, that's totally great already.
and i called Priya to ask her about our plan tomorrow. for this it is a real last minute plan. i don't know what should we do for tomorrow, so i called her up and ask for her suggestions, and she was really helpful. so everything was done in 30 minutes, and what i need to do is picking her up. driving is always my job. and Peggy is being very helpful too, she goona pack some cupcakes for all of us. and my absolute purpose for tomorrow celebration is simply gathering with my best friends and chit chat for a while. a very simple dinner will do, the most important thing is they are there celebrating my birthday, that's more than enough.
and even now, i feel terrible for not celebrating Priya's birthday. this year, i swear no matter what i'm doing it for her. i said she is my best friend and she would be my best friend eternally. and as a best friend i need to do something for her on her birthday. it sounds like atone but i just want to do something for her, even though it is already late.
and i've been whining while chatting with Priya on Facebook. about Frank. i know i shouldn't have talk anything bad at my best friend's back, but he always, making me feel so bad. i don't even know whether he treasures our friendship, even for once. i can assure you for all those time i'm doing the job just making it balance, call him up, call him out, finding topic to chat with him, taking dinner or lunch or breakfast together. but why am i doing all this things all the time, ALWAYS? why can't he do it for once? WHY? he never show me that he appreciates my presence, as a good friend. to maintain a friend isn't easy, is like how you plating a plant, you would have to water it and given it fertilizers. but, why?
already almost a month after my last call to him, and he never seem to ring me. i was thinking if one day i stop contacting him, would he stops too? i'm doubting our friendship, how much he did to maintain our friendship. i know he has his own life in Kampar, he made new friends, he had a brand new life, a brand new page in his book of life. but never forget you have your old friends here in your hometown! your parents! why must people doing initiative all the time where you don't give a fuck? for all the hard works i had paid off, did you even realize it and start doing your part? i can't be doing it all the time, it requires your works too. you can't be throwing those burdens just to me! a hand makes no applause, you understand that don't you?!
i'm too stupid for every hard works i've done where you are like intended to fuck up the whole thing. i'm too tired for that. i should take Priya's advice, stop calling him. yes i should. i was too bewildering that will he call me to wish me a 'happy birthday'. i don't want a text, i want a call. a text everyone can do it, but a call is totally a different story. only good friends or best friends who treasures their friendship will do calls to keep them remember your voices, or miss your voices.
so let see, to him, our friendship worth a call or a text.
and Wen just texted me saying that she wants to celebrate my birthday. even after i told her that i would go for dinner with them without her, she still being so considerate and even try to make me feel better:
"never mind, we will celebrate a belated birthday!"
and i'm so happy for that, thanks for everything Wen.
and i just told her that we BOTH will celebrate our belated birthday together, and would be fun!
and in my birthday post, i goona make it as fantastic, as fascinating, as awesome as i could.
can't wait for my 20th birthday!!!
i know, no one need to prepare me a birthday celebration, and i shouldn't have expected anything. but my friends, all my old friends are doing it for me, and for that i'm really happy and appreciates it. but when it came to a point where no one give a f*king comment about anything, i pretty pissed off and i just want to screw the whole damn thing up.
Senese and Tina were doing so many hard works for making it happen, that i really appreciate their works. but since Tina is doing her exams, she doesn't has enough time for everything. and i totally understand her situation, but for the rest they don't seem to be bothered. seriously, if that's a very uncommon and something screwing up your schedule, that's fine, really. i shouldn't have expected anything at the first place.
but however, i really hope they can make it, even though i feel like a queer for doing all the reservation thinggie for my own birthday celebration. no last minute cancellation, that's totally great already.
and i called Priya to ask her about our plan tomorrow. for this it is a real last minute plan. i don't know what should we do for tomorrow, so i called her up and ask for her suggestions, and she was really helpful. so everything was done in 30 minutes, and what i need to do is picking her up. driving is always my job. and Peggy is being very helpful too, she goona pack some cupcakes for all of us. and my absolute purpose for tomorrow celebration is simply gathering with my best friends and chit chat for a while. a very simple dinner will do, the most important thing is they are there celebrating my birthday, that's more than enough.
and even now, i feel terrible for not celebrating Priya's birthday. this year, i swear no matter what i'm doing it for her. i said she is my best friend and she would be my best friend eternally. and as a best friend i need to do something for her on her birthday. it sounds like atone but i just want to do something for her, even though it is already late.
and i've been whining while chatting with Priya on Facebook. about Frank. i know i shouldn't have talk anything bad at my best friend's back, but he always, making me feel so bad. i don't even know whether he treasures our friendship, even for once. i can assure you for all those time i'm doing the job just making it balance, call him up, call him out, finding topic to chat with him, taking dinner or lunch or breakfast together. but why am i doing all this things all the time, ALWAYS? why can't he do it for once? WHY? he never show me that he appreciates my presence, as a good friend. to maintain a friend isn't easy, is like how you plating a plant, you would have to water it and given it fertilizers. but, why?
already almost a month after my last call to him, and he never seem to ring me. i was thinking if one day i stop contacting him, would he stops too? i'm doubting our friendship, how much he did to maintain our friendship. i know he has his own life in Kampar, he made new friends, he had a brand new life, a brand new page in his book of life. but never forget you have your old friends here in your hometown! your parents! why must people doing initiative all the time where you don't give a fuck? for all the hard works i had paid off, did you even realize it and start doing your part? i can't be doing it all the time, it requires your works too. you can't be throwing those burdens just to me! a hand makes no applause, you understand that don't you?!
i'm too stupid for every hard works i've done where you are like intended to fuck up the whole thing. i'm too tired for that. i should take Priya's advice, stop calling him. yes i should. i was too bewildering that will he call me to wish me a 'happy birthday'. i don't want a text, i want a call. a text everyone can do it, but a call is totally a different story. only good friends or best friends who treasures their friendship will do calls to keep them remember your voices, or miss your voices.
so let see, to him, our friendship worth a call or a text.
and Wen just texted me saying that she wants to celebrate my birthday. even after i told her that i would go for dinner with them without her, she still being so considerate and even try to make me feel better:
"never mind, we will celebrate a belated birthday!"
and i'm so happy for that, thanks for everything Wen.
and i just told her that we BOTH will celebrate our belated birthday together, and would be fun!
and in my birthday post, i goona make it as fantastic, as fascinating, as awesome as i could.
can't wait for my 20th birthday!!!
mainly, simply, to spread love
on Monday, July 16, 2012
i really hate my father for using PPS which it mark down all the connection speeds, damn it. i really hate him for this. now i can't do my works.
these days i was so obsessed with environmental issues and animal abuse issues. i think i am now stepping my very first step into environmental activities.
i never have a thought to send WWF Malaysia an email, but today i did. the content is about my passions toward environment, and would really like to join them to save the environment from further damage. and until now, i still like WOW, i couldn't believe that. i've imagining myself taking part in all the environmental activities since i was young, and now i and really very glad i'm stepping out my very first time.
so now i am waiting their reply, i hope they will reply me as soon as the receive it. maybe for now i have nothing to donate or what, but i'm young and synergistic to volunteer myself to help the environment, it is my dream, and one of many which i hope to achieve in my life- to save the wildlife.
what i can do now is sharing their pictures and like their pages and write something inspiring to move people's heart so they at least feel something. and save energy, i'm trying hard to change my bad habit. to save the environment this is the very basic things needed to be done.
other than environment, i am now actually signing all the stop animal abuse's petitions. as i say for now i really has NOTHING to help them, but to do this thing. this is the least i could do. i promise by time i'm independent enough to live on my own, i would join the worldwide environment and animals NGO helping in protecting them.
and the first step needs tans of courage, and i finally did it. i would continue my hard works, to do whatever i able to do, able to help.
by time i graduate, i would able to help patients recover from their sickness.
and all this helping i don't mean to prove anything, i just simply hope that i could do something to help other people, animals or environment who really in need. i know, that's what i want in my life.
the things i need to get it all done before i leave this world.
mainly, simply, to spread love.
these days i was so obsessed with environmental issues and animal abuse issues. i think i am now stepping my very first step into environmental activities.
i never have a thought to send WWF Malaysia an email, but today i did. the content is about my passions toward environment, and would really like to join them to save the environment from further damage. and until now, i still like WOW, i couldn't believe that. i've imagining myself taking part in all the environmental activities since i was young, and now i and really very glad i'm stepping out my very first time.
so now i am waiting their reply, i hope they will reply me as soon as the receive it. maybe for now i have nothing to donate or what, but i'm young and synergistic to volunteer myself to help the environment, it is my dream, and one of many which i hope to achieve in my life- to save the wildlife.
what i can do now is sharing their pictures and like their pages and write something inspiring to move people's heart so they at least feel something. and save energy, i'm trying hard to change my bad habit. to save the environment this is the very basic things needed to be done.
other than environment, i am now actually signing all the stop animal abuse's petitions. as i say for now i really has NOTHING to help them, but to do this thing. this is the least i could do. i promise by time i'm independent enough to live on my own, i would join the worldwide environment and animals NGO helping in protecting them.
and the first step needs tans of courage, and i finally did it. i would continue my hard works, to do whatever i able to do, able to help.
by time i graduate, i would able to help patients recover from their sickness.
and all this helping i don't mean to prove anything, i just simply hope that i could do something to help other people, animals or environment who really in need. i know, that's what i want in my life.
the things i need to get it all done before i leave this world.
mainly, simply, to spread love.
a blessed evening
on Sunday, July 15, 2012
remarkable evening.
we had another reunion today, which is a small reunion cuz' Peggy went back to JB while Canris couldn't make it. i understand that cuz' the crimes now days were so serious, parents did worry.
but however, we had an ordinary dinner. i think some of them feel that is boring or what, but for me it's really good. i simply enjoy the silence. we walked around in Pavilion and took dinner at Madam Kwan's and SnowFlakes.
so that's it for our night. but before that, we went to Timesquare too, simply accompany Priya to wait for her FUTURE BOYFRIEND. and afterward, Ying Hao and I went to Tutti Fruiti to had our dessert? We talked a lot during that time, about Gordon's betrayal, my crush on Siew Wen, his crush on Yee Wen and things like that. GOD is that really true guys easily fallen on girls with Wen as their last name?
but that's fine, it was a past, and past is past. and i really wanted that talk actually, wanting certain people to know and understand what's going on in my mind. and i did it splendidly.
and guess what, i saw Aunty Peng and Uncle Roslan when i'm on my way to monorail station. i never expect to see them in such dining place, which is requires so much of faith. i called my friends to wait for me while i walked inside and had a small talk with them. they tell me that they're planning to move to London on nexy year. i don't know how true was that, but always i hope the best for them, especially her. and they gave me 50 bucks pocket money, they insisted. thanks so much.
after met up with her my heart was trembling like no direction. haihhh, she made me feels i goona loss her in no time. anyway, i'll pray for you whenever i'm doing my prayer. love you.
p/s: i should at least get an email address from her so we could keep in touch, what a douche bag!!!!
we had another reunion today, which is a small reunion cuz' Peggy went back to JB while Canris couldn't make it. i understand that cuz' the crimes now days were so serious, parents did worry.
but however, we had an ordinary dinner. i think some of them feel that is boring or what, but for me it's really good. i simply enjoy the silence. we walked around in Pavilion and took dinner at Madam Kwan's and SnowFlakes.
so that's it for our night. but before that, we went to Timesquare too, simply accompany Priya to wait for her FUTURE BOYFRIEND. and afterward, Ying Hao and I went to Tutti Fruiti to had our dessert? We talked a lot during that time, about Gordon's betrayal, my crush on Siew Wen, his crush on Yee Wen and things like that. GOD is that really true guys easily fallen on girls with Wen as their last name?
but that's fine, it was a past, and past is past. and i really wanted that talk actually, wanting certain people to know and understand what's going on in my mind. and i did it splendidly.
and guess what, i saw Aunty Peng and Uncle Roslan when i'm on my way to monorail station. i never expect to see them in such dining place, which is requires so much of faith. i called my friends to wait for me while i walked inside and had a small talk with them. they tell me that they're planning to move to London on nexy year. i don't know how true was that, but always i hope the best for them, especially her. and they gave me 50 bucks pocket money, they insisted. thanks so much.
after met up with her my heart was trembling like no direction. haihhh, she made me feels i goona loss her in no time. anyway, i'll pray for you whenever i'm doing my prayer. love you.
p/s: i should at least get an email address from her so we could keep in touch, what a douche bag!!!!
listener and talker
on Friday, July 13, 2012
just in last few hours we had our supper at a mamak stall near our house, and there we talked about the crimes happening these days were so serious. and you know what's the funniest part, our government declared the crime report just tonight saying that our country's crime rate decreases compare to last year.
i was thinking, is that possible to leave this horrible place few years later? i don't know. these days 'leaving this country' topic was so intense, i almost think about it every night when can i leave here and work at some other places around the world? the time passes very fast but very slow too at the same time.
thought of talking to my parents about this, you know sometime we just hope to discuss and chat easily but they always.. i don't know i should say this or not, ahh.. never mind. i know they are just telling me the truth, and the truth is always a cruelty, but i just hope to get a little support from them.
they always come out with 'when you're there, you won't be that pleased' something like that. i know i know stop repeating it, but you know that's my wish. i would say, for some time, they're really a bad talker. i find it easier to talk to my sister, she'll really stand by my side even though sometime she pisses me off LOL but that doesn't lessen my love my to such adorable sister <3 she just has so much more to improve.
no matter what, i'm on my way to it already.
p/s: a good listener doesn't mean that you're a good talker, really.
no matter what, i'm on my way to it already.
p/s: a good listener doesn't mean that you're a good talker, really.
salute to LBGTs
on Thursday, July 12, 2012
a random short post.
whenever i want to write something on facebook, it always takes me 2nd thought:
'is this goona be okay if i post this?'
sometime i can't help posting something very.. harassing? i don't know, whenever there's something made me eyesore i just have to stand out and say something.. there's actually a joke very famous currently. some Thor jokes. and just few minutes ago, it came up with 2 more other hero jokes- hulk and loki.
i don't get it. the movie was amazing and now people are making fun of it? actually.. why? people you don't know what respect is? i know some of them might say i'm way too serious and i'm not open to jokes, but com'on, i just know how to respect the producer and script writer for this awesome movie.
dudes i just don't get it. why is that so hard for you guys to respect others?
yes, i am reading a lot of LBGT posts lately, and i think that makes me a better person. thinking and try to understand people's mind, and be considerate myself. it strengthen my personality as well as thinking. i'm now so open up to different people regardless on their sexual orientation and skin colour. that all are so harsh.
and i believe, we are all humans, we need to be treated equally. whatever they want, it's up to them. it really none of our business, why are you guys such a busybody isn't it?
learn to respect people.
and at here i want to thank all LBGT members for widen my life perspective. now i see things differently. you guys are awesome. you guys made me a better person. a thousand words are not enough to express my feeling, but, THANK YOU.
whenever i want to write something on facebook, it always takes me 2nd thought:
'is this goona be okay if i post this?'
sometime i can't help posting something very.. harassing? i don't know, whenever there's something made me eyesore i just have to stand out and say something.. there's actually a joke very famous currently. some Thor jokes. and just few minutes ago, it came up with 2 more other hero jokes- hulk and loki.
i don't get it. the movie was amazing and now people are making fun of it? actually.. why? people you don't know what respect is? i know some of them might say i'm way too serious and i'm not open to jokes, but com'on, i just know how to respect the producer and script writer for this awesome movie.
dudes i just don't get it. why is that so hard for you guys to respect others?
yes, i am reading a lot of LBGT posts lately, and i think that makes me a better person. thinking and try to understand people's mind, and be considerate myself. it strengthen my personality as well as thinking. i'm now so open up to different people regardless on their sexual orientation and skin colour. that all are so harsh.
and i believe, we are all humans, we need to be treated equally. whatever they want, it's up to them. it really none of our business, why are you guys such a busybody isn't it?
learn to respect people.
and at here i want to thank all LBGT members for widen my life perspective. now i see things differently. you guys are awesome. you guys made me a better person. a thousand words are not enough to express my feeling, but, THANK YOU.
kids
on Wednesday, July 11, 2012
wow for quite some time i didn't update my blog. these days i kept updating my status and daily progress in my diary, so i didn't come here that often now. but however, today i'm here. time now is 9.36am, i'm in the office. suppose to do my works, instead of that i decided to leave few words here. moreover i don't have much works to do, so it doesn't really matter.
anyway, this morning i thought about kids. last time when i'm young, i don't quite remember whether i was in secondary school or college, i used to think that i don't like kids. they're annoying, making so much of noises, burdens and more. and i told my parents i'm not going to get any kid when i'd grown up. and my parents said i'll change my mind as soon as i've grown up, and they're right.
too embarrass to admit sometime my parents read my mind, they're like 'you goona bla bla bla ...' LOL. but never the less, these days i start changing my mind. not these days, since the beginning of this year, i start thinking about my future, and the 'kids' part was included. i am too good on visualizing something, if this would come out as 1 subject in school, i'm pretty sure that i'll score A+ in every exam.
yes, i want to look for my soul mate. i want to work at foreign country. i want to socialize with different people. i want to understand their living cultures. i want to help people to recover from sickness. i want to take part in all kind of 'Go Green' activities. i want to join SPCA or any NGO to save animals. i want to do charity run for orphans and old folks.
and i want to have at least a kid. i prefer two so the first one won't be alone. no matter what, i'm getting one. even one day i did not marry anyone, i'm still getting a kid. i want a family, and kid is a must. i will get through by adoption. if local adoption is hard, i'll go for international adoption.
i told my mother what's running in my mind, and she didn't say anything. she remain silent, and for that i'm not sure whether she's agree with what i've told her earlier. she doesn't want to interject my thoughts, she just wants me to go with my mind even though she doesn't agree in silence. and i appreciate that silence. thanks for being so thoughtful, all the time. i love you mom.
if i happen to have a kid. I'm going to teach him everything I've gone through. what's good what's bad, told him/her my experiences, spend my time with them, tell them bedtime stories, go for a vacation, teach them to be a better person, chat like friends giving advices and opinions.
look, there's a lot of seductions in this world. for that we really don't know what is correct and which is wrong. everything we have to go through ourself so we'll get lesson and mentally grow up, be matured. nothing in this world is easy, nothing in this world is free. for what you want, you have to work hard and give your best shot. not the moon, but at least among the stars. and for that, i want my kid to understand.
think logically. observe and think whether this or that goona work out. look for what you want to achieve in your life. to find an self-interested thing is the hardest goal in life. but if you found it, you know your next step. never leave regrets in your life, don't let it conquers your life. if that's what you want, even though the journey is going to be hard, full with obstacles, just keep on walking, don't quit. As long as that won't hurt them, that's fine with me, you'd get my blessing, sincerely.
Go for what you really want, live a splendid life.
anyway, this morning i thought about kids. last time when i'm young, i don't quite remember whether i was in secondary school or college, i used to think that i don't like kids. they're annoying, making so much of noises, burdens and more. and i told my parents i'm not going to get any kid when i'd grown up. and my parents said i'll change my mind as soon as i've grown up, and they're right.
too embarrass to admit sometime my parents read my mind, they're like 'you goona bla bla bla ...' LOL. but never the less, these days i start changing my mind. not these days, since the beginning of this year, i start thinking about my future, and the 'kids' part was included. i am too good on visualizing something, if this would come out as 1 subject in school, i'm pretty sure that i'll score A+ in every exam.
yes, i want to look for my soul mate. i want to work at foreign country. i want to socialize with different people. i want to understand their living cultures. i want to help people to recover from sickness. i want to take part in all kind of 'Go Green' activities. i want to join SPCA or any NGO to save animals. i want to do charity run for orphans and old folks.
and i want to have at least a kid. i prefer two so the first one won't be alone. no matter what, i'm getting one. even one day i did not marry anyone, i'm still getting a kid. i want a family, and kid is a must. i will get through by adoption. if local adoption is hard, i'll go for international adoption.
i told my mother what's running in my mind, and she didn't say anything. she remain silent, and for that i'm not sure whether she's agree with what i've told her earlier. she doesn't want to interject my thoughts, she just wants me to go with my mind even though she doesn't agree in silence. and i appreciate that silence. thanks for being so thoughtful, all the time. i love you mom.
if i happen to have a kid. I'm going to teach him everything I've gone through. what's good what's bad, told him/her my experiences, spend my time with them, tell them bedtime stories, go for a vacation, teach them to be a better person, chat like friends giving advices and opinions.
look, there's a lot of seductions in this world. for that we really don't know what is correct and which is wrong. everything we have to go through ourself so we'll get lesson and mentally grow up, be matured. nothing in this world is easy, nothing in this world is free. for what you want, you have to work hard and give your best shot. not the moon, but at least among the stars. and for that, i want my kid to understand.
think logically. observe and think whether this or that goona work out. look for what you want to achieve in your life. to find an self-interested thing is the hardest goal in life. but if you found it, you know your next step. never leave regrets in your life, don't let it conquers your life. if that's what you want, even though the journey is going to be hard, full with obstacles, just keep on walking, don't quit. As long as that won't hurt them, that's fine with me, you'd get my blessing, sincerely.
Go for what you really want, live a splendid life.
tunderous events
on Tuesday, July 3, 2012
so many things crushed on me today, and i can't remember all right now.
let me recall... oh yeah, i remembered it. this afternoon in the office, after lunch time i headed down to the parking area to pay that guy the cheque. and on my way back, i thought of buying some fruits for my colleagues since they treated me really nice, all the time. spending me for foods, drinks, being so helpful for a freshman and things like that. for that i would really want to spend them a little for now. i already planned a big great lunch for them the day before i leave Low Beng Choo Associates, just for now a little desserts would temporarily do.
and the reactions i got from them was like 'why are you buying this?'. i don't know, maybe i took it too serious or what. maybe they don't intent to do it like this, just that i'm way too sensitive. sometime i hope that i'm not, sounds more like a jerk urgh!
and i made a mistake today. and this made Poh Chu freaking angry. i don't know, for sometime i always thought she overreacting. anyway, that's my fault, i deserve the blame.
after all those unfortunate incidents, i got caught in the jam when i'm on my way back. usually this situation i would rather stay calm than being frustrated. but today, i failed terribly. i even told myself to calm down, inhale deeply, take in the fresh cold air, exhale the stressing warm air. that doesn't help much actually.
moreover, i got a phone call from my parents saying that they won't be taking dinner at home, so i have to prepared my own dinner since my sister has a tuition class, it left me no choice. i took my dinner at McDonald, and after i fed myself, i felt so much better. in frustration or devastation, i just really need some space and time, i need to calm down before doing anything. Thank God the Euro Cup final match delighted my night. Spain VS Italy, and Spain won with glory. 4-0, you know, that kind of embarrassing cuz' 4-0 in final is kinda hard to be accepted seriously.
by time those footballers held their cup up high in the air, their happiness atmosphere i can feel myself. i really glad for them, great job! a lot of funny things running in my mind when all the footballers were in a group hug. friendship, teamwork, sharing of happiness, sharing of victory, everything. haihh i used to think a lot and eventually brought myself to a bad mood hahaa!!
i told my parents about Yin's plan. and i told them my plan too, and they didn't show slight disagreement. if you ask me, yes, i really want to leave Malaysia and go out of this boundary. i want to try working at various places, even though it wouldn't give good money, but the thing is i want to get in touch with their cultures and their lives. i really do. it sounds a little fantasy but that's my dream. visit to different country and help them to recover from sickness, that is my dream! i promised to myself, one day when i saved enough bullets, i'm going to carry them and go abroad so no one can look down at me or hurt me.
around 11 i had a small chat with Ying Hao, we decided to meet each other on next Saturday. it's been a long time i didn't see him, how he looks like now, and he's doing now, i really want to know since he is one of my good friend in list. oh, by the way, my coming birthday Tina would be the organiser! she asked me about my free slot everything so none of our time will crash. i'm utterly believes her, she is my good friend anyway! thanks! no matter how to outcome would be, i appreciate your hard works!
p/s: Zijie and Priya, both of you would always be my best friend ;)
let me recall... oh yeah, i remembered it. this afternoon in the office, after lunch time i headed down to the parking area to pay that guy the cheque. and on my way back, i thought of buying some fruits for my colleagues since they treated me really nice, all the time. spending me for foods, drinks, being so helpful for a freshman and things like that. for that i would really want to spend them a little for now. i already planned a big great lunch for them the day before i leave Low Beng Choo Associates, just for now a little desserts would temporarily do.
and the reactions i got from them was like 'why are you buying this?'. i don't know, maybe i took it too serious or what. maybe they don't intent to do it like this, just that i'm way too sensitive. sometime i hope that i'm not, sounds more like a jerk urgh!
and i made a mistake today. and this made Poh Chu freaking angry. i don't know, for sometime i always thought she overreacting. anyway, that's my fault, i deserve the blame.
after all those unfortunate incidents, i got caught in the jam when i'm on my way back. usually this situation i would rather stay calm than being frustrated. but today, i failed terribly. i even told myself to calm down, inhale deeply, take in the fresh cold air, exhale the stressing warm air. that doesn't help much actually.
moreover, i got a phone call from my parents saying that they won't be taking dinner at home, so i have to prepared my own dinner since my sister has a tuition class, it left me no choice. i took my dinner at McDonald, and after i fed myself, i felt so much better. in frustration or devastation, i just really need some space and time, i need to calm down before doing anything. Thank God the Euro Cup final match delighted my night. Spain VS Italy, and Spain won with glory. 4-0, you know, that kind of embarrassing cuz' 4-0 in final is kinda hard to be accepted seriously.
by time those footballers held their cup up high in the air, their happiness atmosphere i can feel myself. i really glad for them, great job! a lot of funny things running in my mind when all the footballers were in a group hug. friendship, teamwork, sharing of happiness, sharing of victory, everything. haihh i used to think a lot and eventually brought myself to a bad mood hahaa!!
i told my parents about Yin's plan. and i told them my plan too, and they didn't show slight disagreement. if you ask me, yes, i really want to leave Malaysia and go out of this boundary. i want to try working at various places, even though it wouldn't give good money, but the thing is i want to get in touch with their cultures and their lives. i really do. it sounds a little fantasy but that's my dream. visit to different country and help them to recover from sickness, that is my dream! i promised to myself, one day when i saved enough bullets, i'm going to carry them and go abroad so no one can look down at me or hurt me.
around 11 i had a small chat with Ying Hao, we decided to meet each other on next Saturday. it's been a long time i didn't see him, how he looks like now, and he's doing now, i really want to know since he is one of my good friend in list. oh, by the way, my coming birthday Tina would be the organiser! she asked me about my free slot everything so none of our time will crash. i'm utterly believes her, she is my good friend anyway! thanks! no matter how to outcome would be, i appreciate your hard works!
p/s: Zijie and Priya, both of you would always be my best friend ;)
A night rendezvous
on Monday, July 2, 2012
yesterday before i hit the sack i saw some photos shared by my friend. those were about animal abuse photos. i feel so sad and uncomfortable after looking at them.
this was my yesterday's status:
deep in night i am asking myself: Why am i even a human, i don't want to be a human, i am so ashamed and sick with humans, they don't even understand what mercy and love is all about. Why are we doing this to the animals? what did they even do wrong? they deserve all this craps? why can't we live in harmony? i wish i am just a micro organism instead. they are extremely small, but they manage to work out well with the ecosystem, and they did no severe harms to the surrounding physically, to humans, animals, plants..
and then in another minute, i realized. part of the reason I'm here until today is to stop those psycho lunatic tragedies. yes, i would. i promised.
this was my yesterday's status:
deep in night i am asking myself: Why am i even a human, i don't want to be a human, i am so ashamed and sick with humans, they don't even understand what mercy and love is all about. Why are we doing this to the animals? what did they even do wrong? they deserve all this craps? why can't we live in harmony? i wish i am just a micro organism instead. they are extremely small, but they manage to work out well with the ecosystem, and they did no severe harms to the surrounding physically, to humans, animals, plants..
and then in another minute, i realized. part of the reason I'm here until today is to stop those psycho lunatic tragedies. yes, i would. i promised.
i swear i will do this, it is just a matter of time.
and this morning after tuition, i went to PJ new house to give my parents a hand. sis and i cleaned the kitchen, and now it really looks like a new house's kitchen, very nice and beautiful :D
and at night i went to Yean's house to meet my friends, since all of them were there for a dinner. so we talk for a while, and i get to know that Yin wanted to go Singapore. She didn't tell this to anyone except us, she said she was afraid that once she told the public, what if she fails to accomplish it, so, you know, actually it can be understand.
friends are all changing, one by one leaving to go for their dreams and future. I'm kinda glad and sad at the same time. such mixture plays a very funny feeling in my heart. yeah, whatever you do, make sure that you will never regret of doing it, or not doing it, it's all about what we want.
be brave, and go for it. you all got our full support here, all the time, we love you <3
p/s: i'm leaving for my dream too when i save enough bullets.
differentiation
on Sunday, July 1, 2012
okay i have plenty to write today.
as what i had planned yesterday, everything went smooth. i went to Leisure Mall, take our time to walk. we went to Popular Book Store, i grabbed a book which i wanted to buy months ago and today i finally get it- 'The Secret', while my sister bought few exercise books for herself. she wanted to go for foundation at Mahsa University where i study my degree in about 2 months time. and she wants to use her forecast result to enter. so she said she goona pay anything and everything to make sure she get a flying colour results. well, good luck then!
oh and then, again, i went to Speedy to buy a CD. Kelly Clarkson's album- 'My December'. speaking of CD, i shouldn't have bought any CD cuz' i bought 2 CDs just last weekend. but i couldn't control myself, so.. here it is:
and then, we went to VOIR Gallery to buy few clothes. and of course, i bought 3, spent about 115 MYR. 2 T's and 1 collar shirt. the T's were cheap, 17 MYR plus each, they're doing promotion. while the collar shirt is quite expensive. BUT I LIKE IT! so i bought it LOL. i like its colour, ocean blue. there was a regret i didn't buy that ocean blue singlet which hung on the shelf last time when i visited to that same store to buy jeans. it looks so navy and nice, just because i'm a bit too skinny to wear a singlet, so my mom disagree on buying that. that was about 30 bucks, they were doing a sale during that particular period. so, to avoid the same damn thing happens again, i bought it, 80 bucks. i know, shut up! I REALLY LIKE IT! THAT'S WHAT I TAKE INTO ACCOUNT.
i'll never do something that makes me regret, never.
and we had a high tea at Starbucks :D i ordered Frappucino Expresso while sis ordered Frappucino Mocha. expensive but we agreed that it's worth it.
and i gave my car a beauty wash. it looked so bloody sparkling even in the night :D i shall do it more often, just sometime my nerves not so following my instructions haha!!
and actually, i don't want to text Bosco and urges him to return the net-book to me. but he gave no details like what time he goona reach here bla bla bla. that caught my nerve and so, you know, shit happens when you got angry. i don't know how he or his friends judging me, but for a thing that never change: i don't give a rat's ass on how you think about me. i live my life in my way, we're happy and we gather; we're not good with each other then leave, simple as that.
and one more thing, i have full authority on my possessions.
well our supper kinda messed up. i mean supper took with my family. cuz' of a topic, unnecessarily we got a little.. devastated. father was kinda headstrong every once in a while, like just now. his egoism blocks his way from listening to advices. yeah i understand that cuz' we men are too ego on some certain things. but when you calm down, or just take a deep breath you'll realize that things work out in various ways, and we need to consider how other think and feel.
just, we need to be smart enough to carry ourself in a certain situation. you might have your own view, but people have their's too. never be too linear, learn to listen to others, don't forget that. if you can't accept just leave it with them and keep your mouth shut. instead of judging which literally brings no benefits i rather stay silent and watch him works it out.
that's what i want to say.
p/s: i have poor differentiation skill on fiction and reality.
as what i had planned yesterday, everything went smooth. i went to Leisure Mall, take our time to walk. we went to Popular Book Store, i grabbed a book which i wanted to buy months ago and today i finally get it- 'The Secret', while my sister bought few exercise books for herself. she wanted to go for foundation at Mahsa University where i study my degree in about 2 months time. and she wants to use her forecast result to enter. so she said she goona pay anything and everything to make sure she get a flying colour results. well, good luck then!
oh and then, again, i went to Speedy to buy a CD. Kelly Clarkson's album- 'My December'. speaking of CD, i shouldn't have bought any CD cuz' i bought 2 CDs just last weekend. but i couldn't control myself, so.. here it is:
and then, we went to VOIR Gallery to buy few clothes. and of course, i bought 3, spent about 115 MYR. 2 T's and 1 collar shirt. the T's were cheap, 17 MYR plus each, they're doing promotion. while the collar shirt is quite expensive. BUT I LIKE IT! so i bought it LOL. i like its colour, ocean blue. there was a regret i didn't buy that ocean blue singlet which hung on the shelf last time when i visited to that same store to buy jeans. it looks so navy and nice, just because i'm a bit too skinny to wear a singlet, so my mom disagree on buying that. that was about 30 bucks, they were doing a sale during that particular period. so, to avoid the same damn thing happens again, i bought it, 80 bucks. i know, shut up! I REALLY LIKE IT! THAT'S WHAT I TAKE INTO ACCOUNT.
i'll never do something that makes me regret, never.
and we had a high tea at Starbucks :D i ordered Frappucino Expresso while sis ordered Frappucino Mocha. expensive but we agreed that it's worth it.
and i gave my car a beauty wash. it looked so bloody sparkling even in the night :D i shall do it more often, just sometime my nerves not so following my instructions haha!!
and actually, i don't want to text Bosco and urges him to return the net-book to me. but he gave no details like what time he goona reach here bla bla bla. that caught my nerve and so, you know, shit happens when you got angry. i don't know how he or his friends judging me, but for a thing that never change: i don't give a rat's ass on how you think about me. i live my life in my way, we're happy and we gather; we're not good with each other then leave, simple as that.
and one more thing, i have full authority on my possessions.
well our supper kinda messed up. i mean supper took with my family. cuz' of a topic, unnecessarily we got a little.. devastated. father was kinda headstrong every once in a while, like just now. his egoism blocks his way from listening to advices. yeah i understand that cuz' we men are too ego on some certain things. but when you calm down, or just take a deep breath you'll realize that things work out in various ways, and we need to consider how other think and feel.
just, we need to be smart enough to carry ourself in a certain situation. you might have your own view, but people have their's too. never be too linear, learn to listen to others, don't forget that. if you can't accept just leave it with them and keep your mouth shut. instead of judging which literally brings no benefits i rather stay silent and watch him works it out.
that's what i want to say.
p/s: i have poor differentiation skill on fiction and reality.
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