My kinda Christmas

I went to work on Christmas eve and Christmas so i don't get to celebrate. I took thousand of pictures of shoppers with Santa Claus and i didn't even get one. That's fine, i was working so that's my job. But i started to have phobia of people calling me to take picture for them. When you do the same thing over the past month i'm pretty sure your smiley face will vanish too LOL.

If i would to celebrate my Christmas, this would be it:

I wake up in the morning and somebody prepares me breakfast in bed. The two of us will eat in the bed and drink coffee and wish each other Merry Christmas and kisses each other with our stinky mouth HAHA!

Then, we will exchange our Christmas presents under our big and beautiful Christmas tree and exchange another kiss. 

Then, we will prep ourselves up and go out for a wonderful lunch. Hardly the lunch can be romantic but, well, i guess it doesn't matter that much it's Christmas and it's crowded everywhere how romantic can it be anyway. A wonderful lunch, and some casual conversation. 

Then, head to our parents' house and celebrate the evening right there. Kids running and folks nagging and bla bla bla..

Then, simple dinner at home with our agreed-upon DVD choice. Oh, and grapes, feel like grapes after dinner. Snuggling in the couch draped over with blanket and eat the grapes together. Finish off like that, or probably some bedroom sport if it feels right <3 i="" nbsp="">

Not so much to ask for isn't it? Ahh, how nice if these things come true one of these Christmases... Although it's a little bit late buttttttttt Merry Christmas everyone! And happy new year too!

Lonelier than ever...

This is an emotional week. I have a lot in my mind but i don't know where to begin with. In short, i'm feeling lonelier than ever...

Teachers aren't teachers anymore

I want to write about being a teacher today.

My sister came home from her clinical placement and told me the same thing i had experienced before when i was doing my placement back when i was in year 2. Teachers are not really teachers anymore. She told me how a clinician can be so humiliating and verbally assaulting people, or students, as if students are just so much inferior. I hated such stereotype. Why is student always wrong and why can't the clinician open up a little and just DISCUSS instead of ARGUE. I admit sometimes some students are the pain in the ass but rather should you generalise all the students. Whatever my sister is experiencing now, i can totally understand her because i have walked the same path, all the senior clinician are sadly like that, as if they know everything and we know nothing but shit. Well, maybe they do know everything but as a teacher, should you say such degrading stuff to a learning person? If we know everything from the head to toes why would we come for clinical placement?

You know how i feel about teachers these day? They teach for money, not for keeping the profession alive. Yes, we all do need money to survive but when you decide to be a teacher, or a clinical educator, you cannot simply teach and humiliate the students. You know they are not as high level as you, if they are they would not be here. You need to facilitate their growth, and to pull them out of despair when they fail. As a teacher, you are the lights, the students see you as their lighthouse. The clinical setting is so poor we felt like crying when we see our lecturers walked into the department, like a savior. I'm not kidding, sometimes it is just that bad. You get scolded so much and you learnt nothing.

Students are all enthusiastic puppies, and as a teacher, you should teach us without crushing our spirit. This is all i can say. :/

Cry more...

I was watching this video from Ellen's channel on youtube about a young teenage girl fighting ovarian cancer. She used to sing this song as her 'fight song', the song literally named as Fight Song. Rachel Platten was there to sing with her. While they were singing tear brimmed my eyes. I realise, when you are that tired you do feel like crying especially when you sit alone resting your body and mind, not soul. Not yet. I'm working again, doing my clinical posting, and exams, and studies.. and my work is wearing me off, my back started aching... and i don't even get to spend the money i've earned... That makes me wanna cry more...

EVERYTHING, NEXT WEEK!

Elective posting starts next week. Christmas event starts next week. Assignment writing starts next week. EVERYTHING STARTS NEXT WEEK!

I've got so many things to do next week hopefully i get everything in balance i want to go through this semester with ease pleaseeeee. Anyway, cuz' of our elective posting we couldn't do a Christmas feast together on 25th as usual, so we decided to do it early, like yesterday. We hangout yesterday and it was utterly fun. And so surprisingly i met other friends in the karaoke place and we decided to take dinner together. To sum up everything, i had a lovely evening.

I went to Sunway this afternoon after class to check where to park my car with the lowest parking rate and it turned out that i dont have to pay a single cent if i get there early. To minimize my expenses i shall wake up early and hit to road early and get a spot early too. LOL. So not easy to work huh. Bav went with me so the day actually went great.

Tomorrow gonna be a busy day too. It is my friend's graduation ceremony and he invited our gang of friends to attend the ceremony. There were a bit of problems few hours ago regarding the timing and stuff but everything is CURRENTLY sorted out. Let's keep the fingers crossed i just want him to have a memorable day on one of his big days.

Full Marathon is in 2 months and i haven't started preparing myself. I haven't started my training and even worse, i haven't get my TFL stretched out. If this problem persists until the race day i'm afraid that i couldn't finish the race. OKAY. LET'S START TRAINING TOMORROW, THRICE A WEEK UNTIL THE RACE DAY! I just don't want my money to go into drain... Finisher T and medal... HAHA! I'm gonna give my best for sure! Shall do it in the morning since i've got an errand in the evening hmmmm...

A little piece of gratitude

I had a some free time last week and i paid the temple a visit. I went there with my sister and i spent some time in thanking the God for blessing and helping me through the toughest time possible. Study and work at the same time is indeed difficult but i will have to keep going until the debt is all cleared. The result is out. I passed all and i'm safe from resitting any papers and i hope for the same thing in this semester too let's keep the fingers crossed.

To age gracefully?

My dad fell sick a few days ago. He ate something and it triggered everything off his body; sore throat, cough, flu, fever, and he didn't get any better. Maybe a little bit but if the same thing happened like a few years ago he will be fine the next day.

My dad is a tough and hard man, he doesn't believe in medications unless he really needs it, or he gets very desperate, like today. His cough disturbed his work a lot and he called home and asked my mom to get him anything that could probably kill his cough. Well, we all know it doesn't work instantly it takes at least a few doses to see its effects. Plus, antibodies take a few days to recognise the foreign body before it can flares up to fight against it. Anyway, my dad was in great desperation and he is one of the very few dads that deny doctors as well. We were calling him to see a doctor and, well, he refused. He promised to go the next day if he doesn't get better tomorrow. Trust me, he will use the same excuse tomorrow if his condition stayed the same. You see, he is not only a tough man, but a very proud man too.

He worked so hard his whole life. He started a family very young so his 'engine' desperately needed rest and his body is alarming him already. It seems that he couldn't accept it.  He kept repeating the same thing: If it was 10 years ago, things like this will not even bother me; if it was 10 years ago, i don't even need that much rest; if it was 10 years ago, if it was 10 years ago, if it was 10 years ago. And he can go on again and again. He is at his denial stage. One day, he will realise that he is old now and the body is slowing down and needed medications when he falls sick so everything should slow down and REST. Seeing him like this aches me. He couldn't stop he was so used to his hectic lifestyle to support the family. He also once told me that he will die faster if he stops working. That means, he has to keep himself going until one day he can finally admits to himself that his body couldn't do it anymore. Not liking to take rest, to see the doctor even for simple medical checkups, go travel, worry about his business even when he was sick... It is painful to see. He can't even sleep now because of his cough.

I have always told my mom that she doesn't have to be afraid when she gets old because i will be there to keep her always beautiful even when she falls sick. I will do all i can to help her age gracefully. What concerns her the most is she may be a burden to anybody when she falls sick. Old persons fall sick a lot and she doesn't want to end up in the hospital bed with all the tubes in her body. She even asked me to unplug her when it is the time to let go. The same goes to my dad. You know, my parents are very much in love until today and my dad has been very protective of my mom the whole time. Their conversation involves afterlife; like where and when will them be seeing each other again, how many children they want to have, what kind of house they want, what kind of environment they want to live in, and they still wanted to be married to each other when they meet again. I'm so worry that when either one of them is gone, the other half won't be long. It frightens me...

When i type the sentence 'to age gracefully', i don't know how...

And i want to tell my parents the same: I wanted to be your child when we meet again.

Hooked to running

Stepped into Deepavali holiday week already. Nothing much to do really for this semester as we are approaching the finishing line but there are still a few works to do like a case presentation and a few papers to sit for. Oh, and research outcome analysis. I got myself a job since i don't have much to do this semester. Hopefully everything went well. If i got this job i could pay off all my debt and even got myself a new phone. My phone is going to die already. So, i shall keep my fingers crossed!

I participated in a run last week. It was a 5km family run and i joined cuz' my mom wanted a family run. I could have gotten number one until the volunteer directed me to a wrong way. It was quite unpleasant cuz i was trying to time myself after my knee injury. And i thought 5km could be an assessment as well to see if my knees still hurt. They still did. More stretching is needed. If i don't get it solved i don't think i can do my 42km next year. Oh God please bless me. If it is not because of my knees, i could have done more this year.

Running is an addiction. Once you started, you're hooked.

It's time to leave things behind

This round of clinical attachment finally came to an end. If i would to use one sentence to sum up everything i've gone through the past 6 weeks, it would be 'If i can survive HKL, i can survive anywhere'.

HKL is a great place for clinical posting. It is the biggest hospital in Asia and you can find the strangest and toughest cases here itself. It is also a very strict place; punctuality, attire and all. In short, you have to be very discipline to work here. I enjoyed doing my posting here. I get to see all kind of cases; some i have seen and some i have never seen. I enjoyed it in that sense but this place has too many rules. It's tiring. Things like 'students are not allowed to bring their phones to the ward' but what i saw was those who are working use their phone like all the time when they are seeing patients. It's really hard to convince me when your staff are also against the rules so publicly.

The workload. We have to complete 6 full assessments everyday and pass it up the next morning. The fact is, we don't only see 6 patients in a day, we see more than 10. It is just we need to the write up for only 6 cases. We have many things to learn, to look up for but by the end of the day i left not much energy i just need to hit the sack or i wouldn't be able to wake up SO EARLY the next morning. Sleep is very important to me. I can stay up study and fail a test but if i sleep enough, i can probably pass with ease. Things may change when i start working. Anyway, when you get use to it becomes a habit and 6 cases will then be fine.

The odds are really heavy because other than the workloads there are dramas every week believe it or not. I cannot remember how many times we got called into the HOD's room. What hold us together was friendship. I met so many great souls. We didn't really hang out but we spent a lot of time talking to each other. We built our friendship like that slowly until the day i finally leave HKL, i know i'm going to miss them. I met one UTAR friend and i'm closer to him than other UTAR peeps cuz' we use the same way to go home. He is pretty good looking and he also smiles a lot. To be honest, i'm attracted to him because he really likes smiling. He has all the quality i like: Timid, a little shy, reserved, like to smile.. But those are at the superficial level so... Anyway, nothing is going to happen. Then i realise, i can never stop being myself cuz it is so comfortable. I enjoyed looking at guys and i do get attracted to them but at the same time, i develop an affection for girls, specifically a girl i spent so much time with and i still do like her but it is just not the time yet to get into a relationship. We both know. We have that mutual understanding for that i respect her a lot. This is just me. I tried picking a side but i couldn't. My sister told me to stop being so harsh to myself, if this is you, just be yourself. So i guess it's time to put this issue down and continue my journey already. I learnt something precious the two weeks i spent with him. It's just too bad the two of us didn't get to take a picture together cuz' he left so soon after 5pm yesterday. Such a waste to not be able to say goodbye to him personally and i get kinda sulky the way back home but who knows God had some plan planned ahead. I met him when i got out of the station and he approached me and asked why was I so late. I asked him the same thing and he said he was waiting for his friend whom apparently on the same train as me. Haha! We didn't get to exchange much words that time but as we said goodbye abruptly and i was walking to my car, i smiled. It's the perfect way to say goodbye, to everything.

On the final 2 days in HKL i attended hydrotherapy class. I learnt so many things but still yet to figure out which condition is best for hydrotherapy. I enjoyed the workshop a lot mainly cuz i was with great companies.

Thank you, HKL. Goodbye, HKL.

The littlest thing

I've been reminding myself to always think outside of the box cuz the norm is boring, is blindly followed and really lifeless, it's like life without spices thus no surprises. Some days i get too hard on myself and it makes my mind a mess. I have to tell myself to take a step back and take a deep breath. Appreciate the scent of fresh oxygen for a second. When that happens, i will spend some alone time to put my scattered thoughts in place and take that short moment to cultivate my thinking. That's when i started to appreciate the littlest things around me. Without the small pictures, the core memory can never be formed. How funny people always talk about their 'big picture' and take all the little ones for granted.

Keep walking, don't stop.

I fucked up a beautiful day

Today the chief augmented a very important event; a meaningful event to all the physical therapists around the world- The World Physiotherapy Day. It was supposed to happen last week but due to heavy workloads in the hospital the HOD of physical therapy department decided to put it a week later. It took quite some effort to make this function successful and there i feel this function has brought all of us together- HOD, physical therapists, and physical therapy students. It will continue for another 3 days and may God bless us. 

I had my lunch with a group of new friends i met in this clinical placement. They are from UKM and they are incredible, passionate, and sincere group of people. You feel energetic when you are doing things with them. It is that passionate they are and working with these people makes you positive. But on the same day, i had a small conflict with my friend, too. I was explaining to her about how HOD will need our help tomorrow so she cannot sit for her exam, she will have to postpone it. She grimaced and said some stuff and i lost it i spoke a little too loud, and the worst is, i walked away straightaway afterwards. She didn't want to talk to me the rest of the day. I feel bad, terrible in fact, for doing that and i know i have that issue long ago. I just don't know why i couldn't control it. I did it and i regretted that. So, i sent her a text message saying how sorry i am, she saw it and she never replied. I did feel bad and i do what i should since i know this is my problem long ago. I apologized and she seemed to hold grudges..? Sometimes i wish i could just keep quiet and let things roll down hill and don't give a shit but my damn temper always kicked me out of my place. I feel so bad i feel like i fucked up a beautiful day.

I tend to overthink, probably things weren't as bad as it seem.. I know how important exams and stuff are but we are now doing clinical placement where we are kinda working too, you can be a little flexible, can't you? That's from my perspective. Anyway, i still feel bad about it so i hope it would not be awkward when i see her tomorrow. Talking to guys was a lot easier.. it's either we are good or we fight on the spot.. matter solved. lol.

Something worth remembering

I abandoned my blog for quite some time, i just have too much to do and the reason i'm still awake now at 3.25am is quite stupid- How it feels to stay up late for movies. HAH! Anyway, i got quite something to tell in this post, it's more like a compilation post again. These are great memories and now is the time to write down these beautiful moments.

I started another round of clinical posting 2 weeks ago. This round i'm doing it in Hospital Kuala Lumpur, HKL. This is a pretty hectic place but so far so good, routine job is about the same either in the office or hospital; treat patients and tans of documents to do. We have a lecturer there at HKL every subsequent week until the end of our posting. On the first week, Dr Arun was there and we had so much fun together. I like him a lot. He was very helpful in my research and during that week, our barrier kinda vanished; we are more like friends rather than lecturer-student. He resigned not long ago and that week was our last time seeing him around. So my friends and i treated him lunch at Pizza Hut and i hope he had fun too. Good luck in your future undertakings!

Then, I met up with my ex-colleagues. We had a lot of great moments; we talked and laughed and shared and sometimes being sarcastic. We have a pretty great age gap but we get along quite well and i wish it will go as long as it can. They are part of my core memory. My memories before i resigned for degree course was tremendously blessed by God. Every rendezvous is just another blessing!

On Saturday i met up with my old friends too. We grow up together so we hang out a lot. We shared a lot of great and bad memories, and those are also my core memories. Sometimes you feel great to have them sometimes you just want to slap and be away from them. But at the end of the day you will still look for them for comforts, fun and all. May our friendship go long!

Oh.. and this one here is just for fun, Hah!

Should I, or shouldn't I?

There's something huge to tell but i don't know where to begin with. Bav and i went out the other day and we talked a little. I ended up telling her that i have feelings for her. She said thank you for telling her. On the next day, we texted me and told me that she felt the same way. 

She knew my brain my body is so complicated and she wanted to give us a try, saying that she didn't want to regret for not giving it a try. Part of me wanted it and part of me stopping me. In some way i find myself selfish. I don't know if i'm trying to rush into a relationship simply because that i began relying on her. Should that be the feeling of affection? Do i really like her? Or i just thought she's a very nice person? I hated myself so much for not able to understand myself. At the end, i crapped something and she said she will wait for me until we grad from undergrad school. And i did all these over the phone, which was really really lame. 

She is a very decent person. She knew almost every bit of my problems and she still said yes. I feel terrible. I cannot guarantee her anything because im unsure of myself. It's me, it's all me. It sucks being me sometimes. It's just too complicated. The question now is: Should I, or shouldn't I?

I completed a half marathon!

I can't even bring myself to say it! I completed my very first half marathon!

I registered myself into this category about 3 months ago and yesterday was the day i broke my record. The farthest i have ever ran was 10km. That was the limit. But yesterday, i doubled it up. In fact, an addition of 1km more! It was pretty big for me! I was so happy for myself i cannot even bring myself to believe it.

The race took off at 5am. Before the race, the organizer already told all the 21km participants that the cut off time will be exactly 3 hours. So, all of us would have to reach the finishing line at 8am, and i reached at 7:23am! I took only 2 hours 23 minutes to reach the finishing line! Which happened to be earlier than what i expected! I could have been faster if it wasn't my knee. After i had covered the first 10km, my knee started to hurt. Left knee. It has always been left knee. But i told myself "dude, you have done half of the distance, you cannot quit now, forget about the pain and keep running!" Which i did! And i spent the remaining of the day on the couch icing and massaging my knee. Good thing that i'm a physiotherapist student i do have perks!

As what i'd concluded on facebook: "You have no idea how excited I was when i saw that 20km checkpoint!" Round applause for myself and now looking for another one... I'm hooked to it!

Compilation of 4 blog posts

I have quite number of posts to do actually but i decided to do all in this post.

Some great and big things have been happening to my homeland, Malaysia. As reported to almost the whole word, our country just had a very big campaign called 'Bersih' and it hit the news big like never before. Not only in Malaysia, all Malaysians around the world, put themselves up in public to support this campaign. New Zealand, London, Hong Kong, you name it. I didn't attend due to some reasons but i still love my country very much. Great people, great weather, great natural resources, what is not to love? To see Malaysia sinking day by day it is just too painful to see. We all love Malaysia so much, all the Malaysians, you know? May God be with us Malaysians.

A few days before 'Bersih' i went out with Bav. She felt like shit because of her friendship problem and also work. So we went out. We walked around the city, took some nice foods, drink some nice drinks, watched a great cartoon 'Inside Out', those are probably all. Ah, and talk. We talked. That made her feel so much better. You see, a lot of problems we have, they can only solve by ourselves. You may think, what friends can probably do? Let me assure you, friends listen. They listen to you. They can either provide some advice or stay silence and hold your hand, but both are fine, they are there for you, to listen to you, to give you moral support, to let you know that you're not alone. Those are what friends do. Bav was there when i needed a friend the most. She was there for me, listen to me, talk to me, distract me. Those are what we actually need. Not too much to ask for, are they?

Lastly, i went out to help my dad this morning. I'll copy whatever i wrote on facebook.

"I was around BU 6 this afternoon. After some errands, I saw this lady walking around the porch. Most of my friends know how much I love German shepherd, of course I walked near it and expecting some terribly loud barkings. But I was very surprised that she didn't bark at all, instead, she walked towards me and put her head outside the gate. And I caressed and talked to her for a while. It was a wonderful moment. Then, I saw a pretty big wound at his right pelvic region. It was reddish and just terrible. That broke my heart a little. When I was about to leave, I saw a guard walked into the house and immediately the dog ran away and looking for a place to hide. Her ears droppy and tail hung low between both her hind legs. That broke my heart further and started wondering, the reason of her not barking.. is it simply she's friendly? How long has she not gotten carressed and loved? And, most importantly, that wound, is she being abused!? I'm getting frustrated you know, if I'm financially sufficient i will walk up and ask if he still wanted to take care of her. If not, I'm keen and more than happy to take her in and bring her to the vet. She has a pretty bad oral health too you know? It's just too frustrating. I cannot wait to graduate I'm so pissed with my current situation right now. Now I don't know why im blabbering here on a social website."

I really hope she will turn out well at the end of the day, May God bless you, lady. :'(

Oh, this is really the last one. I watched X-Men: Days of Future Past a few days ago. I heard what Professor X said to his younger self. Remind me of humans are capable to heal from pain when we hope. :))

[Charles reads Logan's mind, and appears in the future]

Professor X: Charles.

Charles Xavier: Charles.

[looks around]

Charles Xavier: Is this what becomes of us? Erik was right. Humanity does this to us.

Professor X: Not if we show them a better path.

Charles Xavier: You still believe?

Professor X: Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn't mean they're lost forever. Sometimes, we all need a little help.

Charles Xavier: I'm not the man I was.

Professor X: You're afraid. I remember.

Charles Xavier: All those voices... so much PAIN.

Professor X: It's not their pain you're afraid of. It's yours, Charles. And as frightening as it can be, that pain will make you stronger. If you allow yourself to feel it, embrace it, .it will make you more powerful than you ever imagined. It's the greatest gift we have: to bear their pain without breaking. And it comes from the most human part of us: hope. Charles, we need you to hope again.

Those are all i want to say in this blog post. Should have done in one by one but i was just too lazy to write that day when that happened. Have a nice day people! Oh, ya, focus on the good stuff, procrastinate the bad stuff. Too much lemons these days sigh... :/

His graduation

I went to my friend's graduation last friday. I drove up North with a friend and we didn't hang for long. We left on the same day itself. Pretty exhausting, staying a night would be great. Anyway, i'm so happy for her achievement. There were so many people, so many graduates with that hat i started asking myself, when gonna be your turn? My course is killing, i just hope i can keep up til the end. We took photo but she never uploaded them, so i didn't get a copy. However, i expected as much to see another friend, Frank, and seeing him stirred up a lot of memories. On the same night i got back from the North, i started flipping through online picasa album where had saved so many of our photos. We are totally fine now but it is such a shame, i don't know, things are never the same anymore. I missed him tremendously but on the other day when he came over to visit me, i didn't feel as much as that night. That night was pretty rough. I promised Frank a meal that day and i was surfing the internet to see if there's any nice restaurants around. Those are great i can't afford, those are okay weren't appealing, i'm quite hard to please huh. I haven't made up my mind just yet. Of course, congratulation to his huge achievement too. Happy for ya'.

With this pair of hands

I don't get sulky easily these days, which is good, probably because i'm working almost every day. When most of my time is completely filled with works it takes me shorter time to overthink on a lot of things. 

It seemed that there was a student exchange programme in my university. I don't feel as bad for not able to join because i am literally unable to join due to financial status. My parents wouldn't be able to support me for a month in Hong Kong. Neither do i have the heart to do this during this holiday... I've gotta pay for a lot of things. Why do i keep reminding myself about that? Anyway, to have seen my friends over there still kinda bucks me. Well, i shouldn't have felt that way though when i know making a living is the priority...

People dream of doing something they dreamt almost every day, knowing that you've been trying very hard to make that come true one day while others get it almost too easily... that doesn't feel too right. I have a lovely family and i couldn't ask for more. I've got foods on the table and clothes in the wardrobe, warm bed and education... they are almost dream for other kids. I know that very well but you will have that moment where you desire more than that... it's scary...

But, with this pair of hands, i will make the things i dream to come true almost every day and night come true one day. I will.

An uneasy day

It was an uneasy day. Ever since my sister got into a relationship she has been acting weird, cold and mysterious. She's is a little different from that little monster i used to grow up with. But i've been quiet and i didn't know the problem has evolved to a very difficult extend.

I went to college this morning to deal with my research project. And i met my sister there. I kinda let her know that she's been acting very mysterious and self-centered, and she replied that she will do explanation to all of us when she got home. And there the problem unfold. We talked for quite a long time and she cried the whole way, and i really didn't want to think if she's been telling the truth. It is not right to judge your sister that way. But given her emotions just now, i think there will be at least 70% truth she had uttered. I really hope she realises that we love her a lot and she will be able to manage her problems and make progression.

On the same day, i talked to my tutor about going abroad to work when i'm graduated. We have been talking for more than 30 minutes and at the end of our conversation, it's not so easy. There are a lot of procedures and hard work to prove yourself; your willingness to make this leap a success. I know i will face a lot of problems even before she told me, but compare to what i have to leave behind, my family, those problems are nothing. I love them a lot and i'm leaving them to create my future, my family, elsewhere, away from home. This part of me really want to leave if i can but another part of me is holding me back, unless i can ever be a little selfish to leave everything behind and go for it. The same thing i've told Ms Chan, 'it's very frightening to have to leave home to a place you know nobody, know nothing about, and to have to deal with all the problems yourself'. So much to take in today...

Tomorrow starts my new job which will last for a month until my new semester begin. Let it start, shall we?

Champion!

Today is a day worth remembering.

I took part in a charity run event and surprisingly, i was the first in college/ university category when i reached the finishing line! I have never get number 1 in any sport event neither did i ever think i will get one in any time. But today, i broke my record. And i can finally tell myself that, you are capable to do things beyond your expectation, beyond your limitation, when you work hard enough and never give up, and most importantly, believe in yourself.

Bryan Wu, YOU! YOU are capable of doing things you longed even if it looks too tough to achieve. You just need to believe in yourself. Yes, you can. Keep walking, don't stop.

I feel sorry for myself

It finally come to an end. My job at McD is finally over and it had been pretty tiring and wonderful at the same time. It has never been easy to do both at a time; study and working. It is tough. People ask me if i can focus and i said, you just gotta try and make it work. So, sometimes when i sat on the couch spending some alone time with only myself after work my mind wanders off, and i will think what makes me struggle so much? 

I feel sorry for myself whenever i thought about the incident; that incident where i got scammed and it ends up what i'm doing so hard right now is to repay the debt i borrowed from a friend. I feel sorry for myself for trusting a person so easily. I feel sorry for myself i have to work so hard to earn that little to repay an enormous debt; big enough for a person who doesn't have a full time job. I feel sorry for myself for letting myself down. I feel sorry for myself for keep blaming myself for such stupidity. I feel sorry for myself for not able to share the burden with others, included my family. And tears rolled down my face at this time where everyone has slept. 

I'm not saying like I've got a tough life. There are a lot people have tougher life comparatively and i'm a lucky ass to have a pretty family. But everyone has got a story. Each story is different so it means and feels differently. 

Let's just say, I've let those tears forgiven myself. 

Good night.

A wasteful opportunity

It happened a day after my birthday. I'm working at McD right now to get more pocket money to pay off the debt. The pay was high, and it was harder than i thought to maintain your study while working. Anyway, that day when i was serving a customer at the front counter we managed to exchange a few words before the foods were served. He asked me why working here and was I pursuing study those stuff. So i told him whatever he wanted to know there was nothing to hide. Later, about an hour later, he came up to me and asked for my contact number. He came up to me when i was extremely busy and a lot of people queuing up in front of me, i got no time to talk to him but he said he wanted my contact number. I didn't give him at the end because i don't know what was his intention and we really don't have time to talk further. So, he walked away without me knowing it. So i let this whole incident drop and focus on my job. Then, the uncle working at lobby walked to the counter and talked to me if the man wanted my number, and i said yes. He said he was a regular customer and he worked at Sunway Medical Centre. Then, i realised i probably just missed a great opportunity. Although I still don't know what was he after but i do remember telling him that i am currently pursuing physiotherapy... I wrote my contact number down and i passed it to the lobby uncle and hopefully he will meet him again and pass him my number. Now shall just let God do the rest. My parents comforted me about it but still, i find it a waste not able to know his intention. I feel kinda disappointed of myself. I gave number to those who don't deserve it and i did just exactly the opposite to those whom with great intention. Mixture of feelings still after 2 long days.

About my birthday, on 20th July, it went just as ordinary as normal days. I was working and i almost forgot my birthday. When i got home i received a text from Bav

To be honest i'm really happy. We are still friends and will always be friends. Thank you very much. Of course my family celebrated with me too which i am not able to upload the pictures this time. Shall upload it in my next post! I'm procrastinating it again! 

Also, i watched a gay romance just now called 'I Do' and it was great. The song caught me just as soon as it played at the end of the movie. I like it a lot, i do. And there at the end it wrote: 

"I believe in family, I believe in fate.

I believe you can turn for one second and miss a lifetime, but your past does not dictate your future.
I believe the people that you love are your life, that there are things worth fighting for.
I believe we should all have the freedom to love, to create family, and not be afraid of who we are.
I believe in love.

I do."

Shall i remember that for the rest of my life.

My old stacks of love

I tried to sleep an hour ago but i couldnt fell asleep so i decided to switch on my bedside lamp and started going through some old stuff. I was quite emotional today because of the little details my family had made for me.

Today is not my birthday so i didnt expect this to happen. Even if it is my birthday, i didnt plan to celebrate my birthday because i am going to be very busy. But for today while i was working in the reading room my family brought in the cake.. That took me by surprise because i was talking to my sister's boyfriend about violin and got a little excited, and out of a sudden they brought in the cake and started singing and what is funny was i started singing along because i thought it was Houston's birthday! It was really embarrassing! Until halfway i started to realize, oh! It is my birthday! This is for me! And the best part is, which is also what made me so emotional, my mom booked a cake at the bakery with the design of Captain America's shield! That's my favorite hero just so you know. And the bakery at first didnt have that design and they gave their first attempt for this! This is so cool! I am very happy tonight. So happy.

And now im actually going through my old stuff, old sweet stuff that hold so much of love. I am so loved my whole life and i wouldnt exchange anything with this. Until i made it a little complicated recently. Anyway, as i was going through those birthday cards which the oldest was 10 years ago, i feel wow... Time has really flied to 23. I almost cannot believe it. All the wishes and all the love i received, i dont know how to express my feelings.

I made 2 wishes just now. The first one is hope my family stays healthy all the time and the second one, i hope i will meet my soulmate very soon. The man whom i will love til the end of my live, the man whom i will build a family and raise kids with, and i cannot wait to meet him already. Im paving my way out, until the the day im at a place where any form of love will be loved, shall us meet.

I shall attach the picture of me and my family, and the cake! when im using my laptop to make the coming blog post. Here are the stack of loves i had received over the years.

Afraid makes me wanna throw up

If you live in Malaysia you should know something really bad happened at the city. You can see a lot of news all over the social media and you didn't know which is the true one. I watched one particular video with horrendous hate crime that involved people beating up people until his blood covered the whole face. It was very horrifying. I watched it when i got back from outside and that made me very uneasy, like a wave of insecurity just sweep me completely away. I feel very unsafe. I don't know why. It feels like.. i don't know it's just bad and scary to live in a place like this where things can get out of control just because of one simple stealing case. It got me bad and i couldn't do anything but sleep to calm myself. I know, it's kinda weird. When i was taking dinner i heard the news and i think that's a reliable source, and that little side of positive energy got me feel better. Precisely, safer. Ever since that incident, security happens to be my first priority towards everything. Maybe i know why i feel that afraid.. because of the place i'm gonna work as a partimer for 2 weeks. I don't know man..

Aside of this, after a long time never watching a movie, i downloaded and watched one today. The Longest Ride, adapted from my favorite romance writer Nicholas Sparks. When you watch the movie written under his pen, you know it's gonna be romantic, heartbroken, heart warming, reflection, all sort of emotions running deep. But at the same time, from story to story, the style just kinda repetitive. They are all good story, but it's getting predictive. But after a year of not reading his books, those recent ones, this movie put me back on my reading feet. Shall start one as soon as i'm done with my exams. And that reminds me of an approaching deadline.. shit!

Good night guys,

A stray pup named Wrinkle

I made a friend few weeks back and his name is Wrinkle. I knew his mom too but she was caught soon together with most of his siblings by the dog catcher and he was the only one left behind. I didn't know he survived that and few days after that dog-catching incident and one day when i was walking home after a jog i saw him running behind me. He was one passionate and enthusiastic pup i have ever seen. He ran up to me and started rounding my feet. Then we started playing with each other. That was how i met Wrinkle. 

Wrinkle huh? Why Wrinkle? This dog has got a lot of thoughts even when he was little. This little guy has got a few folds on his forehead and that's how i got him the name Wrinkle. I used to call him that whenever i saw him and i think he started to recognise that sound and know that that is his name. But we couldn't take him in because our porch do not have room for him. He slept outside basically and i didn't know where he hid during rainy day. Also, his dinner and all. He used to be a fat pup while his mom is still around. As days passed he got thinner. Well, i didn't feed him because of some stupid reasons. I do like him after so long Black has passed. And not only me, Wrinkle used to play with a lot of people in the neighbourhood. He basically is the little star and a lot people like him. 

Few days ago the dog catcher came back and my fam and i were thinking is there any way out. And i bet my neighbours did the same thing cuz just few days ago too, i saw them brought Wrinkle into their car and sent him away. I wasn't sure if i saw the right pup and so far until today, i haven't seen Wrinkle around. That pup has to be him. I don't know what's their intention i just hope Wrinkle ends up well, in a great family where everybody loves him like all of us did. All the best, Wrinkle.

Here is a picture my mom took while he was curious about another living creature called RAT! HAH!

Also, I watched a video while i was browsing Facebook. It was about soldier daddy come home and gave their kids a surprise. And i can't help brimming my eyes with happy tear. I couldn't find the exact same video on youtube so i couldn't attach it here. But, i'm sure you will like it.. :)

A night out with Vincy and her little guy

Vincy came down to KL few days ago and spent a few days in Genting Highland. Today we went out together for like a small catch up. Of course she brought her family along. Her little kid just got heavier and heavier each day!

After we took dinner we drove to I-city. They  have never been there and i went there like 5 years ago? I cannot remember much but there were a lot of huge changes 5 years later. We enjoyed the night not until her kid started crying over some games that were too expensive to play. He only got to play games that charged more reasonably, which i think is better. 

Then, i saw the Ferris Wheel. I have loved Ferris Wheel the moment i saw it when i was little. It made me think of a lot of things. Some romantic things me and my partner can do while taking ride together in one of the carts of the Ferris Wheel. It gave me lots of fantasies which would be nice if those things will come true some day. Sound pretty stupid though hah!

In short, the night went well. Nothing too excited but it's not dull either. But one thing that i can be sure of is that, i'm really tired afterwards. I'm seriously going into a real adulthood man. I learn to appreciate simplicity and peace these days. I'm just getting older lol. 

I heard this question from the radio while i was driving home. "What are those words that after you heard them you feel warm immediately?" The first thing that had crossed my mind was "The soft and sweet wake-up-mumbling I hear in the morning". That's for me. My mom used to do that and i still enjoy hearing it now. I'm 23 but still.. That's really heart-warming and make you wanna snuggle longer in bed instead. What's yours?

USA legalises same sex marriage!

USA finally joined 20 other countries, officially becomes the 21st country that legalises same sex marriage. USA has come a long way to such big leap for the LGBTQ community and personally, this means a lot to me. In occasion of this, a lot of the people joined the Pride and celebrate this day, a historic day. It is a very BIG celebration over there.

I'm quite curious... why is it so quiet when that 20 countries legalised same sex marriage while USA made the whole world to celebrate along? Don't take me wrong this is a great thing but i kinda curious about it. Nobody gives a shit when England and the rest legalised same sex marriage and now even Google and Facebook celebrate this historic day.

Anyway, i just got my profile picture changed. This is the thing i ought to do long time ago but i don't have the gut. Remember when same sex marriage campaign started they used to have two bars with red colour as background, i wanted to change my profile to that but i.. i didn't. I'm just too happy about this. This means, our future is now. Heartfelt gratitude to whoever made sacrifices for the arrival of today. Harvey Milk and other LGBT nationalists must be very happy to have this day finally here. Hugs.

Tough day for Bav

It's a pretty tough day for Bav. Her dog fell sick and the prognosis is bad. He caught a tick fever and it's at the terminal stage. She was handling bad.. It's a cycle and she's trying hard to understand that.. Her dogs and cats are everything to her so.. I don't know what to say...

Happy Father's Day!

I've written this and re-amended 2 weeks ago to prepare for today. But i think i try to rhyme too hard and it doesn't really bring out the emotion i intended. Anyway, hope you enjoy reading this.

Behind the Blackhands
Harboured the truth of untold sorrowness
The hideout for sweat-drenched memory
The sanctuary of the periled past

Behind the Blackhands
Arrayed the rickety tear barricades
Which were built the past millennium
Defending another surging millennium

Behind the Blackhands
Lived the unequipped cold war fighters
Who cornered by the uptown scoundrels
Branding their skins with hideous lexicons

Behind the Blackhands
Raised an outnumber failures
The educated failures
Who sunk the sinking gratitude

But my dear Blackhand
You had me full
And kept me warm
And a roof I shelter beneath

To whom should I repay
The bottomless affection
Given amidst my catatonic nights
If it is not my beloved Blackhand?

p/s: I posted it on facebook and i feel quite shy about it...!

Idiopathic bad day

You have good days and you have bad days. Some good days you feel so great you can solve just anything comes towards you. Some bad days you feel hard to even pick up your phone. Some bad days can be of no known reason and guess today is the day.

My emotion was so unsettling. I felt like shit and i don't know how to deal with it. But, today went just fine. Why...? I walked up to my room and shut the door. I turned my laptop on and started browsing YouTube. I found a talk (TedTalk). As i listened to her slow and calming speech the messes in my brain started falling into places. It felt magical. Or probably i'm listening to a talk that has something to do with my problem. All i'm saying is, the way she delivered the speech was calming, and that was what i needed the most that time. Couldn't thank her enough.

Check it out here >> The Art of Being Yourself

After all, why do they care?

I watched a documentary about tattoos on the seniors and i'm quite bummed when they revealed their stories. Here i'm going to share a little piece of myself. I'm 23 years old. Up until this age, i can't say that i'd lived my life long enough to talk about how bad a person's life can be but i did live a period where my world was totally sunken dark.

I mentioned quite a lot of times that i discovered i was a little different from other guys around me at the age 17 but i didn't live well with myself so i started to be self-destructive that time. What's funny about this was my parents didn't even notice it. Anyway, i almost killed myself but i didn't. I reached out to the world outside and sought help. I uhm.. thank God for making technology nowadays advance enough to communicate to the outside world.

Then, i started thinking if i can get a tattoo. That crossed my mind at the age of +-18. But i have always wanted one when i was little maybe because my dad had a few on his back and i thought they were so cool. But the feeling was so strong i almost got one. At 18 i was very lost. I'm a lost teenager; im confused about myself and many other things that cannot be shared with my parents. So that moment i wanted something spiritually very strong to uphold my belief so i can stay strong and live my life. I really liked the meaning of Aztech and Polynesian tattoos. They are tribe tattoo with ages of history and great spiritual meaning. I told myself, that's it, i'm gonna get those when i save enough. Then, i confronted my dad about getting one and he stopped me. Our discussion didn't end well. So, he compromised with a condition: He will get me one, let it be big or small, on any part of my body, but i will have to wait until i graduated from my degree course. I was quite upset myself but i didn't want to upset my dad so i agreed. Now i'm going into year 4 in just 2 months time, how time flies. I think he wanted me to be sure about this and i can tell that the thought of getting my body tattooed just keep getting stronger.

A lot of my friends asked me those funny questions normally u got questioned when you want to tattoo. I lived in a pretty conservative country so it's not common people get themselves tattooed, and it held bad meanings most of the time. Time has changed now, it's about art and the meanings of it. So i told my friend, i just like body art so much, i breath them. And they stand for some meanings at some points of my life, they are no jokes, not many people really understand it.

I say, the toughest thing i have done so far is coming to accept myself, to be comfortable with myself, to live peacefully with myself, so i can love myself. It doesn't feel good to have constantly battling to yourself. So, if i can do my toughest thing, i can basically do anything. Until the day i'm ready to tell my parents about this, then i will be free. I don't know how positive or negative will it be but, let's see.

I'm not a mainstream person, and not all the non-mainstream people are attention seekers. They're just not comfortable with the norm people adapted to. I'm just like that; doing stuff that people always doubtful about. One thing a senior had said in the documentary "Everybody has their opinions about something and most of them stink." Think about it. I used to be easily upset when i'm not able to live up to my own expectations, or others. These days, things are changing. I've learnt not to be so hard on myself. Instead, i started to love myself. Work hard but love myself.

After all, why do they care?

Link to the documentary: You won't regret that tattoo

Just a movie

Bav and I went out for movie just now. We got 2 free movie passes so we picked Jurassic World to watch after a long debate. When we walked into the hall and there wasn't a single person inside. Then, a couple walked in and that's the total number of people watching that film. 4. 4!! The whole cinema hall was kinda belonged to us hah! Bav liked the movie a lot but it was so-so to me. I watched a trailer prior the movie is aired- Crimson Park. It looked intriguing. We planned to watch this show together soon. ;)

Thank you, Bav

I've been following the Mallard-Rancourt family for a while and every time i look at their family album it makes me feel like i have to work harder now to create a future i wanted so badly. I know it will not be easy but i will try my best and all i can to make that come real. That just keeps me going. Fight for it! (I think i have finally accepted myself.)

Last week when i told Bav about the Mallard-Rancourt family she reacted to me in a weird way, which was not common. She's my best friend and she knows me as a bi guy. She wasn't feeling comfortable that im pretty sure until she slowly opened up to me. She asked me where's our relationship leading to? Who are you right now and stuff. There were quite a number of tough questions which i know one day i will have to answer. I questioned myself the same thing.. 'where's our relationship leading to? Who are you?' I told her everything i'm feeling right now. It was pretty awkward but she tried really hard to understand my circumstance. I'm very grateful about it. Now all the things had been cleared up and it was good for the both of us. I know we will not be as close as before, but i really hope it will, im going to try my best to keep this friendship alive. She was the moral support throughout some tough times in university and i couldn't thank her enough.

You know it's funny how many people you've met and only a few who are truly helping you out and that shouldn't be taken as granted. If i hadn't met her that time; if i didn't initiate the conversation first; if i didn't walk up to her on that very first day in our course, i wouldn't know we can become such a close friend. So close other badmouthed and gossiped about us, and she didn't care the slightest which breaks my heart a little further because it was me who can give her nothing at the end of the day, get badmouthed the most. It's my fault that i wasn't sure. I didn't want to start a relationship being me at a place where i don't know when will i one day wake up in the morning and end this whole thing, where she didn't even do anything wrong, you know?

I have met a few girls in my life who nearly became my girlfriend. I invested my attention and all and i wasn't sure. A few times. Which mean i broke a few hearts. That didn't feel good. And few days ago i broke another one. She said she feels relieve, but i knew she feel sad at the same time. Then, we went out last Wednesday. We were still hanging out, talking and stuff but things got kinda different. And after all, she still willing to be my friend. I don't know what to say. To her, words fail to describe how much i appreciate her presence in my university life. Thank you, Bavita.

I found something beauiful

I was browsing Instagram with my smartphone and came across this family; a gay family. So, i clicked inside and browse their album and saw a lot of beautiful things. I went to my room and switched on my laptop after i found out that they actually have a blog. I read from the earliest post to the latest one.

It's a truly inspiring blog. They fell in love and build their own family despite all ups and downs. That's exactly how i wish i could have in the future. A simple family living a simple life far away from hectic city.

In the midst of all negative incidents happened all around the world, humans still strive hard to build something beautiful; something beautiful like a family, and this family is one of the most beautiful families ever existed. Hope to read more from them in the coming days.

Link: http://loveandscience-ourmodernfamily.blogspot.com/

A toast to myself

My sister just got into a relationship with a boy she met in the university. To be specific, he is her classmate. He joined us for dinner after the date with my sister. A young lad, looked really young and hopefully reliable. I'm really happy for my sister. She laughed more than she used to and i'm glad for her. And all these got me into some thinking.

When is my turn? My parents started asking me about getting into a relationship. What they didn't know is i' not into girls. And it's really hard for me to bring this up... To attempt a relationship here feels like killing me. I feel bad for not able to live with them with part of me in the shade... i just can't. This place is just not the place to start, to gain courage. It makes me feel out of breath sometimes.

A toast to my career, my other half, and my life; the truest one. Cheers.

A wrap-up post

Such a long time since i last posted. I will make a short wrap up post before i hit the sack.

I have been terribly busy since the day i reached KL. Which mean, clinical posting has come to an end. I met bad people and i met good people, so i brought a mixture of feelings back home but for whatever happened to me in the past 6 weeks, thank you for teaching me a lesson and those who had helped me through my toughest time, i appreciate them. I received lots and lots of love. 

I met my friends before hectic study life hit again. We met on Sunday night and we had so much fun. I have missed them. It feels good to sit down and talk to them again. I wish i stay near to them. 

Tans of work to do this month. Clinical documentations, clinical presentations, classroom presentations, online course, personal coursework with my lecturer, 3 coming exams, and i think there is some more which i can't remember. Oh, and debt to clear. I can really die. 

But let's do this, i made it through last semester and this semester, it cannot be harder than the last one. So, let's do it!

P/S: Here's the photo i took before i left I-sports. Amazing people to work with. 

An expensive lesson

This is a terrible week. I got cheated and im very embarrassed to talk about it.

From my personal experience, never believe anyone you met online. If you still want to give it a shot, i wish you good luck. If you happen to find the one who is also serious, im happy for you. But for me, it is just too bad i lost my faith on it.  

This time, i will take it as a lesson. An expensive lesson, and it will never ever happen again. How could i fall into this... Im just too stupid and at the same time, desperate. And it will never happen again. I swear.

After a hard tough day

I had a very sad day. Both heart and mind, and also bank. I was fooled, i got cheated. Luckily i have got Yean and Bavita, i cant tell how much i thank them. I called home just now. I heard my mom's voice and my tears rolled down. I broke down after i hung up. Hopefully things go back to normal after this week.

Sometimes, you just gotta have a little faith

It is about 5 days i had reach peneng and things were quite tough. Not about posting, it was quite fine until today. In fact, i learned quite some things. The tough stuff was the transport and accomodation. The place i stayed was not near to the hospital. The five minutes she was talking about was driving and i thought it is walking. So.. Things were even tougher when i have a princess staying with me. She does not want to walk and stuff, she was being ridiculous and inflexible under this situation. I got just too tired for her drama.. You know? So, we decided to split. She will move else where and i will go my way. I think this is just the way it is. I cant work with inflexible people. We aint got much choice, the best way is to adapt to the environment. And she just cant do it. She just moved out and i will too, until i got all the things settled.

Things are tough, it was not easy at all. But when things are getting tough, God just knows and He will do something to help you out. Not to mention i almost got into an accident yesterday while crossing the zebra line. Well, not gonna talk about it. So, some good things happened. My dad called and he wanted to bring me a car. He was really firm about this i think he couldnt bear whatever that i have been telling him. He is my dad, you know? You just gotta love him. But i insisted that the car is not necessary. I want to be indendent. If i want to work abroad i might as well learn to get things done myself now. It will be easier to adapt next time if i got an opportunity. My dad just cant let go and he wanted me to think about it again. I mean, if you meet him, you will havta love him.

Then, ms ooi called. She was the one who rented me this house im staying. We have been communicating about all the problems and she helped me out a lot. Not to say that the princess have not helped a single thing and yet complaining a lot. So, she called and asked me how's everything. So i told her everything, sorry and thank you and all. We have not met at all and yet she is being so helpful, who does that? And now im moving out half way and she called me to forget about the rental. I was so embarrassed about this. Again, who does that? I know she and her husband earn a lot, but that is exactly the point, the more you earn, the more you cant let go of money. And she is not, and she is willing to do that favor for me. Even i have not met her, i know she is a very pretty woman with a beautiful heart. I honestly thank her a lot. Just so you know, i got her phone call 5 seconds later after i hung up on my dad. Dont you think it is all planned? Also, my friends have been helpful too.

These are the beautiful things happened in these few days depite all other stuff. I am trying to focus on the good things that had happened, that makes me feel better. And i do now. After talking to ms ooi and my dad. I feel so blessed right now.

Sometimes, you just gotta have a little faith.

Oh yeah, today is my dad's birthday. Happy birthday to my hero. May good health accompany always. Love you.

A good teacher is to die for

Just thought i should do this post right before i leave to Peneng for another round of clinical posting. It's 0246 and i'm yet to sleep and i don't know why.. Perhaps i feel like staying longer, be conscious of my home and stuff.. You gotta know i had a rough time in Peneng in my last clinical posting.. this should be it. Really hope things gonna be good this time.

I sent an appreciation card to Ms Chan a few days ago and she liked it. You know, i feel like everything is connected by an invincible thread and it kinda like a propulsion, one thing happens and leads to another. At first i thought i will see her in the office but i didn't, so i left the card on her table and went for women's health lecture. Class finished earlier that day and my sister hadn't gotten out of her class yet, so i sat on the bench waiting for her, and Ms Chan walked past. I saw her and i didn't know if i should say hello to her after sending her that card. Feel kinda shy though.. Maybe i'm not too used to do such thing but i did and i'm glad that i did because she said it was nice and some good stuff. It made me really happy. This ain't brown-nosing i do mean it. Back to the story, i did say hello her at the end. She she complimented the card and we talked for a while. About future and stuff and now we are working close together for a topic so we can discuss about it. It's more like a personal homework she gave to me when i told her that i wouldn't mind doing more because all i wanted was to learn from her. She has everything i wanted. So, i finished the work in less than 3 days and it kinda rushy, but 3 days were all i had to finish it before i leave to Peneng where i won't be able to reach the internet that often. I just sent up my paper to her and she said she will write back to me after she had read it.

A good teacher is to die for and when you found him/her, keep her and learn as much as you can from her because, a good teacher can teach you a lot of things and a good future is half finished when you found him/her. Just couldn't thank her enough. It's kinda sad that she's going to retire at the end of this year ;(

P/s: Here is a picture i took out of a book while i was browsing for the appreciation card. The book looked interesting so i took a glance and surprisingly, it was talking about teachers as well. I found it quite nice and true and would like to share it, even though it was written in Mandarin.

Pet fiesta

I went to an event named Pet Fiesta with a friend and we had a great time there! There are so many dogs and cats and also other animals like snake, scorpion, gecko, iguana, parrot, sugar glider, sloth and many more! We had so so much fun and i saw my lover German Shepherd too!! Indescribable triumphant!! Here are the two photos i was struggling to set as profile picture because i love both as much! Such a great day!

A day of mixture

I lost it just now. My university is sucky in providing the students a parking space, the parking lots are so limited they are only reserved for some of the staffs and the deans. The students? They don't care. So, we students would to have find ways to park our cars without being fined. I've collected quite a number of samans these years parking at the illegal area but i got no choice! So, today, i got another one again. S'ince the car was registered under my parent's name, as i broke the news to them they kept pressuring me to get another place to park and as i said earlier, i lost it. I did not do that on purpose but i got no idea where could i park the car another than that only place. I don't know! And they kept urging me to find a new place. If i could i've already done it years ago why would i still park my car at those places where i got fined almost once every week?! So, i left the living hall and went back to my room. Pretty immature thing to do huh? But i just needed some space to cool down i'm a pretty hot tempered person. Then, i went back down and told my parents i would do my best. I'm really trying. This is when u pay that much for a damn private education and that damn private university can't even give u a peaceful environment to study. Damn it!

Phooo, calm down Bryan, it's Friday let's talk about something nice that happened earlier today. I planned to bring my laptop to the town to get it fixed since the day i caught a virus when i was so desperate looking everywhere online to watch Grey's Anatomy and my laptop finally broke down. Bavita and Josephine followed me to the town and we spent some time together. And getting my laptop fixed we went for lunch and also the book store to browse a bit. The government has given us students 250 bucks book vouchers to spend for academic materials so... i finally bought the book i wanted a few years ago! It was quite expensive and it got more expensive already when i went back and check today. And i still bought it. Hah! The whole outing was quite an exercise cuz i think we walked more than 10 thousand steps.

Basically, the day went well to me ;) Cheers!

Some beautiful words

I was browsing the internet and i watched a video by BuzzFeed and was really intrigued by its content. They were introducing some beautiful words and out of 15, i only know the meaning of like 4? Well, let's see what they've got!

1. Effervescence: I thought this is a chemistry term because i learned it when i was studying chemistry in A-levels. Well, its meaning is bubbling. Yeaaa...
2. Hiraeth: This i don't know and the pronunciation is pretty fun! A home that you long to go back but you can't. Quite a sad noun.
3. Ephemeral: This to me is really beautiful but its meaning is not so- Lasting for a short moment.
4. Incandescence: I learned it from Nicholas Sparks novels. He liked to use this word to paint the story a little romantic. It means a burning light or also colorful light bulbs.
5. Limerence: Sounds like 'limo' to me hahaa! ''A state being infatuated by someone''.
6. Somnambulist: Close, real close to the word insomnia and kinda make sense- ''Person who sleepwalks"
7. Sonorous: Some deep sound if im not mistaken.
8. Mellifluous: Sweet and soothing sound that's pleasant to hear. ;) 
9. Aurora: Not those you see at the North and South.. it means ''Dawn'' ;D
10. Phosphenes: Sound so much like phosphate but the meaning is totally different- ''Light and colours you see by rubbing your eyes''
11. Epoch: You know right.. This word to me is so-so.
12. Epiphany: First learned this from Andrea from The Walking Dead first season, hahaa! I still remember that she was scolding that old and white bearded guy using this word with a ''life'' in front! hahaa! "a moment of sudden revelation"
13. Defenestration: This word is powerful but no so beautiful LOL! It means the act of throwing someone out of the window! Can't see any beau in this but definitely nice to use while arguing with someone.. be like ''i feel like defenestrat-ing you!'' and he doesn't even know what it means! Maybe?
14. Petrichor: Owwhhh this is damn pretty. ''The earthy smell after rain" How is this not beautiful? I didn't even know there's a name for such phenomenon!
15. Luminescence: Probably see this from a lot of places. I think i learned it from biology studying some microbacteria that emits green light.  

Learned something beautiful today.. "The sound of the falling raindrops is mellifluous and the arose petrichor got me into epiphany thinking although it's ephemeral." Not sure if this sentence is written correctly but well, it's still an attempt! :D

Ohh, remember that i said i'm going back jogging and marathon.. I got this last week by getting the forth place in a 5km open adult walk, nice beginning!

Marathon, let's go!

Life is quite dull these days. After all the hectic semesters and now things are totally slowing down. When there's no paper means no studyings. So kinda like an lazy ass now! 

I'm going back to exercise. I used to jog last year until i was so caught up by all the exams and assignments i stopped jogging. Now i've got plenty of free time so marathon, here i come!!! I registered myself in a walkathon this coming saturday. So, let this begin!

I went up to the stage!! Unprepared!!

I was thinking if i should do a compilation of all that happened this week but i think it'll be too long... Or let's just keep it simple.

Let's begin with the last Monday. I had a class with my mentor Ms Chan and instead of having a class we discussed about future. I got plenty of questions to ask her because she had a lot of experiences and exposures, she truly the one person i can ask. So, i ask her a lot about job opportunity abroad as well as residency, so she told me. I appreciated her a lot. Really. If i would be able to get a job abroad upon my graduation it'll be of her help. I really hope that day will come. Really.

And today, i went to work for my dad in the morning and at night, i went to a mini music concert. This morning we are working on this unit, forth floor, and i couldn't even see how my colleague worked on the air-cond. It is too hard to explain, all i can say was, it was so damn dangerous. He did not put on any safety measures, and it was four floors away from the ground. And the space for him to turn and stuff was so so so small, you have no idea how fast my heartbeat went. Sometimes people don't understand the tough works behind all these jobs that make your had black. The stake they took is very high it may take a live. I just love my dad even more now. That'd how he works all these years.

At night, on this mini music concert, it was really fun. A lot of performances like singing, piano and guitar performances by the students and teachers of this music centre. It's not like grand or anything but people come together and sit and enjoy music on a weekend's night. It's fun, it's healthy, and cheap. Each of us payed 10 bucks to enter and they provided us food and drinks. Which means, all the money they had collected were all came back to us again. It was really great. I think the organizer wanted to just spread the music to our small community. When the management was giving them problem they still did it anyway, really great!

And without plan or anything, my friends and I went up to the stage and threw a sudden performance! Mine was pretty bad cuz i did not have my notes all i had were phone and a lot of factors as well.. anyway at the end of my sucky performance the audience still gave me a round applause! So nice of them! Loving this community! And my friend, he was a good amateur singer, so he sang well. Even a girl wanted a picture with him! I never thought that i would have gut to go up the stage.. well, i did! So i am really happy! Hope to join for a proper performance in the next mini music concert!