其实，我们都一样。

每一个认识我的人，都觉得我很坚强，其实只有我自己知道我脆弱到眼泪多的不值钱，看一本小说也要准备一条毛巾；每一个认识我的人都觉得我很严肃，其实，只有那些和我朝夕相处的室友才知道，我一点也不严肃，而且偶尔还很不正经；每一个人认识我的人都觉得我很独立，很胆大，很事业，其实，只有我知道，我是个极为恋家胸无大志的小女人，我遇到很小的选择都会犹豫，再大的机会摆在我面前，没有人鼓励我也会胆怯的偷偷放弃，每天在话筒前对着全市人民说话的我，却很害怕给陌生人打个电话。

曾几何时，我也羡慕别人的快乐，感受我的孤单；曾几何时，我也在乎别人的眼光，怕有达不到别人期望的那种失望；曾经何时，我也对自己说你已经怎么了，所以你只有做到比这个平台更高，你必须怎么样，不然很失败；曾几何时，我也想过要是有谁谁谁的身材，谁谁谁的性格，也许会不会更好。其实，原来我们都一样……

不记得从什么时候，我们开始把自己抱的紧紧的，紧紧的，害怕试图靠近的人靠近，是在我们进入成人世界的时候么？是在我们面对社会生存的时候么？是在我们遭受了朋友爱人同事欺骗陷害背叛之后么？我们就这样锁住了自己，戴上了面具。

后来的我们，越来越感受到孤单，这是个孤单的年纪。于是，开始慢慢的试探的将心打开，渴望有一个人走进来，说，我懂你的心。遗憾的是，当我们打开自己的时候，却看到了其他所有人紧紧包着自己，没有人愿意走进来了……

每个人，原来都不是你看到的那样。我们把自己紧紧包起来、锁起来，却说没有人懂自己的心。其实，我们都一样。

Elaine's birthday

Should be studying now but... same damn reason...

Anyway, i went to Elaine's birthday celebration last friday. it was good, we all friends had fun. we even play xdo together with 4 laptops found in yean's place LOL!

it's just something wrong... 

B.day girl Elaine!

Toast- For XDO!

weekend was normal, nothing special...

i don't know.. i just feel like playing violin makes me so happy.. hope to go back to violin class again... i don't know when would dad sponsor me the fees but i will wait in the mean time...

Going for my friend's graduation day this saturday. Feel happy for her sincerely.. When would be mine? after four years? can i even hold on to my graduation day?

The cutest kid I ever seen

What if...

Okay, i had been playing my violin and guitar a lot lately and kind of neglected my study. I have an elbow and wrist test this coming Friday, how should i deal with that? Dying...

Anyway, my new house finally equipped with doors already! I mean, last few months my dad's budget was kind of tight and he finally saved enough to install the doors now. Our interior looked more complete already, kind of happy, our privacy guaranteed.

Today talked with Tammy. She told me something popped out in her mind, she feels like dropping the course. I don't think she would do that anyway, sometime we just whined but didn't mean it that way. She said if she didn't come physio she wouldn't have ended up in mascom. Well, i told him mine too, i would have gone for journalism.

Journalism, i don't know i just felt like writing slowly becoming one of my interest. I used to write a lot lately, and i read a lot too. The only things you could easily noticed when someone enters my room, the book rack. It was so full with book. So, this whole journalism thing came to me. If i go for that i think i would have a hard way ahead. Anyway, it could only be my hobby.

Last night i had Subway as my dinner.

It tasted amazing simply because it had been sometime i didn't visit Subway already LOL!

p/s: Tammy, all the best!

Final Fantasy Distant Worlds

Final Fantasy Distant World Concert. My God it was that fascinating, it brought back my memories. Although it wasn't much since i only watched one film out of so many. Anyway, i just feel like, i feel in love again that night.

The musics were really good, the cellist, bassist, vocalist, harpist, violinist, everyone was doing great. I have to mention again that human's voices are really good when they know how to use them. The tenors and sopranos were doing great job on the stage, i just don't know how to express my aggression, like wave, going up and down, fierce and calm. Another soprano who sang 2 songs on the stage, Stephanie Van Driesen, her voice was so firm and strong. I just... kind of moved while she sings.

And there was one violinist who on the stage, exactly in front of my face. I don't know but he looked totally distracted or maybe he was just too bored. They have to play it over and over for many times, they've got 3 performances in a row, today, tomorrow and Sunday. And yet they rehearse for God knows how many hours before they brought it on stage. To me his feeling was like 'finish it fast and i can go home and hide in my blanket'. Other than that his performances were good. I could be mistaken him, but in a weird way i think he was kinda... cute, or handsome, and i kinda like... him.

I don't know what i'm writing already. But don't judge me, again i'm a guy who not only paying attention on girls, guys too. Just to let you know and i'm being honest here. I don't need to hide, that is just me. Just glad to be myself.

Anyway, another great night. When i save some i will go to the concert again. Thought i could make it for Tchaikovsky's Swan lake scenes but unfortunately i've got exams straight after that week, on Monday morning. Hope they will play it again in the future. And hope i could see him again on the stage when i go back there, to look at his performance.

A. Reunion

I'm here to update something remarkable.

The photos were finally uploaded to facebook, i am now posting few looked nice only which i personally kind of like it.

Senese, the birthday girl

Group photo on the stage

Love the effects, and shark fins ;)

They were totally doing something gross..

Left Ivy and Tina not in this picture.

I watched a movie just a moment ago, i think you guys heard it before. In Malaysia it doesn't air in the cinema and so for that not much people know about it. The moment i saw this film on MSN when i was working in LBCA i already wanted to watch it but still doesn't know the way to download filmat Isohunt. Well, now i knew the way, and i downloaded, it was a 2 hours film, and totally worth my time watching it. I laugh through the whole movie. Just to remind that if you are watching it with your family, just know there are tans of 18+ scenes.

The casts

One of my favourite scene, just inappropriate to mention it here..

By the way, my writing fever is back. Am writing something now, hope i could finish it. It was so hard to describe things in words where a picture could easily tell so many things. I need to read more and learn more vocabs.

50/50

It rained through the whole day, no, the whole week.

I downloaded a movie named 50/50 and I like this movie A LOT.

Maybe this might not a good movie for someone, boring or what but for me this is terrific. A guy called Adam, 27 year-old, got a spinal cancer and waiting for treatment. His girlfriend cheated on him, and with chemo going on, his world seemed falling apart.

He seek for a therapist, which he later fell in love with. He has got a good friend who accompany him through the chemo and surgery which at first he didn't feel that way until he found a book 'face cancer together' at his friend's bathroom one day, he felt kinda moved.

I mean, the friendship part tighten my heart a lot. It's so hard to say everything here, you got to watch that. A friend who just wanted him to relax with his company, do not want him to stress out, that were what a friend should do. I learnt something from this film i guess.

I might not be a very good friend but I will try my best to do what a friend should do. I try my best not to expect anything more but try to give in my concerns now on, like last time, for someone, some friend special.

Give me some time, I can do this.

Friendship, I hope I can find one someday:

"It take a pair to beat the odds"

Main cast: Joseph Gordon-Levitt 

Yean's 21 Lunar b.day

I attended Yean's birthday, everything was good, the venue was spectacular, the foods were fantastic, the GREATEST birthday party i've ever been to. Everyone was there except Bee Yin, she couldn't make it back on time due to some works still left in Singapore, so there was lacking of one person, the feeling not so right.

They performed on the stage, firstly dance, Yean personal video recording, then singing session by fellow friends, then video recording done by us, then singing session, then photo taking session. Everything went pretty well, nothing much to complain actually even though the quality is kinda.. well they need more practice.

I know, i should perform with them at first, no i suppose but i bailed last minute. Look, i moved to PJ, even i do come back once in a while but that doesn't mean i don't have anything on hand.

We friends already falling apart, and i wish to do everything with them but NO, we have our own life to go on. I measure what's more important for me.

Yeah maybe mom was right about me, as i grow up i getting more selfish. You know what, if i don't protect myself no one does already, i'm learning way to survive and draw my future carefully.  I was once, for a long time never mind a little on whatever i'd sacrificed but what do i get in the end? Betrayal. I swear i'm doing this no more. Whatever it is, my happiness is my first priority. Of course drugs, gambles and alcohols are not the happiness i meant.

On my way back Jia Wei said he came back, it's holiday. Again. Yeah of course i have human heart, but at least i feel a lot easier already. Shower me with time, i shall heal.

The only photo i get.

p/s: photos will be uploaded once my friends posted them on FB

Chris'es

I almost had a heart attack just now.

Mr Raj, our course coordinator sent us the results of our practical tests via gmail and i got to know that after my friend dropped a message on facebook. I heartbeat was totally outrages. But anyway i got a quite satisfying results. I knew my mistakes i guess and i will improve myself on the next coming practical assessments.

Upper limb: 84 [without doing base of support, line and centre of gravity]
Lower limb: 61 [wrong action given and left out internal and external hip rotators]

I found few VERY NICE, CUTE AND HOT photos online and planned to share it here. Some might be seen earlier but i still feel it nice and wanted to share and for my personal views sometime LOL!

Cuz' my friends and I were talking about Chris Evans so this is where it all begins..

My God, look at his eyes...

Two Chris'es

I mean, this is so cute la weiii

This is like 'after work' rendezvous LOL!

I am too vulnerable towards his smile.

Tomorrow i'll have another test before my holiday starts, wish me luck!

Stupid asshole

Remember i told you yesterday about H. Jackson Brown Jr, i printed it out today at library, together with the short story 'the curious case of benjamin button'. The library card costed me a lot and the binding too, i'm now financially tight already.

I went to jog with classmates today, and i didn't expect HIM was coming along. If i know that since earlier i wouldn't have gone with them. I mean i never really hated someone like that, but he just pissed me off so badly! Just like today, with his stupid intonation saying 'why are you come jogging with us? You're thin enough and you'll eventually left bones without any fleshes'. I mean, i don't know how you people feel but i can't take that joke, it was an idiotic joke. So, a thin person isn't meant to jog? Is that what you're speaking?

Sincerely, yeah maybe i don't need to jog cuz' even if i'm dead i could easily fit into the coffin while you, you better workout more or else you goona crush the coffin ruining things for your family even you already DEAD!

Sorry i need somewhere to release my anguish. I'm just a normal person, i have emotions too. I'm not optimistic enough for every single thing and i will inevitably sink into deep depression. It's already part of me. Friends, you either know those who are truthful to you or just keep yourself away from any harm.

I could totally survive through that.

And i dined with Violet tonight. Since i jogged in UM and thought i could meet her up. Sorry to make you walk such far distance and i promised it wouldn't happen again. Good luck in every of your undertakings!

And mami sorry for not calling you today, i really didn't know that you were expecting my call. My fault, parents sometime need attention while kids fail to give, i really sorry about that. Love you.

Priya, thanks for the talk. Thanks for being there whenever i needed it.

Done this when i was doing forearm muscles revision

Blues

Writing short today. It was a bad day for my friend.

Breaking up is hard. Breaking up a relationship, breaking up a friendship, both are the same. I went through so i know how hard it could possibly be. But chin up, you're meant for someone special who treats you like a little princess, not for those who takes you as granted.

I still couldn't believe that i slept for 4 hours in a row after i got back from school, around 5pm til 9pm. It was really.. hmm.. cool LOL!

I took a test about self-personality, the result was weird, that is all i could say. Check the link out.

Personality result

Before calling it a night, i found an author who writes terrific book. 'Life's A Little Instruction Book'. You should really check this out.

p/s: Life's never been easy.

Froya's

It had rained the whole day, since 11am until 8pm.

At first planned to go swimming in my university but the rain turned my plan down. I watched a travel show on 8tv this morning hosted by Henry Golding, this time he went to Pulau Perhentian and showed us around the place.

I was thinking what would life be if i was born near the beach. I know everything would be different, i'm not Bryan Wu anymore and i do not belong to Wu's family anymore, i might not get to know Priya, Yean and the gangs and the rest. I might not even go for A-levels and studying physiotherapy in Mahsa university.

Maybe that moment i would have thinking to live in the city if i became a beach boy. But come and think about it, being a safeguard and diver or whatsoever job near the beach, it's not a bad idea anyway. I will like that.

And i slept through the whole afternoon until six something, doing nothing at all except reading in the morning for only an hour, the night went aimlessly, facebooking and youtubing. Updated my life event on facebook and watching Christian and Oliver on youtube, i enjoy it very much honestly. Being all alone isn't that bad actually, kinda get used to it already.

I found one music video on youtube, don't know if you know her- Froya. Her song called 'Fries in Cream' was really good, her voice was soothing, i like that very much, her soothe voice can easily put me to sleep at night. You should really look it up.

Froya- Fries in Cream

Oh yeah, i found another page on facebook which is kinda interesting. I think i like that page like you never knew ;)

this is cute so i put it here ;)

Next week, good days ahead. I'm just tired of being broken. there would be a week of holiday after this week, gotta let myself rest a little.

I always feel this way, so i don't hesitate when i have to give
it to someone who needed it especially my friends.

p/s: Was thinking about going for tattoo this weekend.

My 2012 hairstyle

I watched a movie and i believe that everyone knows about this, it was kinda old already 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'.

It was good, and bizarre at the same time. I just couldn't imagine if this happens in our real life, you watching everyone dies slowly while you growing in the opposite direction, getting younger and slowly become a teenager then a kid, lastly a baby. Establishing a family, would it be a good idea?

Well, this movie has got a lot for you to think, and i like it a lot. 2 hour and half but it was totally worthy.

Should totally catch up with this
masterpiece

I've already done with Yean's birthday recording, left them to get it done. I couldn't join them i'm living so far away from them so.. I'm sorry.

Oh by the way, i get myself a new hairstyle! I was thinking to dye some colour and the hairstylist recommended me Ash colour, so maybe next time i go get a snips i'll dye my hair together. Need some savings then ;)

New hairstyle + recording's snap shoot
*Ignore the lady at the back thanks!* 

Ruined, 2nd Nov

I was really down today.

Everything was fine until late afternoon when Mr Raj shows us the marks we got for the first 2 days of the test. I gave in whatever i have but i don't think i get a good enough marks.

For strengthening exercise and passive movements i got 52 in total which i think i could have gotten better than what i got now. Passive movements i have no complaints because my mistakes weren't stupid mistakes, but for strengthening the question was asking for muscle strengthening 3 to 4 while whatever i did during the test was 4 to 5. Madam Shalini said if i did that correctly i could have gotten 70 instead of 50 in her session. And i forgot to mention contraindications which i already mentioned in my last 2 or 3 post, you know how i feel, it was really bad.

But still so not for that part, the therapy was the lifetaking of all.

I got moist therapy, in other words mean hot packs therapy. And i got the lowest among all my classmates for Mr Arumugam session. You know i didn't see the tank, it was insane, but it happened. That part when i give IRR already deducted grave lots of marks, he said i've given the wrong treatment. He said i'm even no entitled for any marks for that therapy actually.

You know how i feel after i heard those words, indescribable. I just.. sunk. That was a unforgivable mistake. How could i?

Ultrasound was fine, just that the time i didn't utilize good enough, according to Mr Arun. If my marks in this session wasn't high enough to cover my mistake in my moist therapy, i already failed. I was standing exactly on the threshold you know, 50, all 2 sessions together.

My eyes shed no tears, but heart itself was aching. I just, couldn't forgive myself. I know it wasn't anything too serious but you know my sucks personalities, i take everything very deeply. Sometime i caught myself hard to breath.

About the plan tomorrow, it was cancelled. Reason? Driver bailed last minute, and Priya fell sick, i don't know, so it was a total turn down. If she happens to tell me earlier i wouldn't have packed so many things and rush down to Ampang, i would just chill in PJ. And i could have joined my classmates yesterday, they had lot of fun just by listening to what happened in the club. Wish to have more to spend.

My friends in Ampang were kinda catch up with each other all the time and my existence slowly faded. I don't blame them, the time we spend together getting lesser and lesser. It happens when the time you got for them is so little.

I wanted to tell my problems but what would be done even if i told them? Or just anyone? People say sometime you're better alone. I don't know i kinda feel it that way. And my parents? I don't know. We just couldn't speak the way we used to be already. They're just not a good talkers and listeners.

I wish i could change myself.

Ruined, 1st Nov

everyone was saying 'please be good to me November'. You know what, my first day of November was kinda... bad.

First thing, in my last day of practical test.

Muscle palpation: Gluteus Medius
Action of the muscle: Abduction
Resistance direction: Adduction (opposite action)

So i know the whole muscle origin and attachment and the action, and i even told the examiners the correct one. But when i apply the resistance i realize i applied the wrong way even though i said it the correct way, after the test. I was wondering my Mr Arun asked me the action of G.Medius, and now i realized i do it wrongly, i mean the application of resistance. And Ms Chan was looking at me that moment. IT.WAS.SO.EMBARRASSING!

Then at the night, i didn't join Eddie and the rest cuz' i've got a better plan for myself, to indulge myself after a stressful week of exam. I went to Amcorp Mall, i walked around and and bought a book. And i took my dinner at Starbucks. I took photo but my damn phone was having some problem so..

But that wasn't the thing i'm trying to say! I got a saman, A SAMAN! Can you believe it? When i looked at the saman's time, it was 2005, i think it was the time i just got out from the car, walking into the mall. At the night, and it was rainy that time, i really didn't expect that. Now i've no idea how to tell my parents about the penalty. It was... it costs a lot...

That's why i say... 1st day, ruined.

No, keeping it on, optimistic!

I get this from the net, it was the drink i ordered for the first time so far
in Starbucks, it tasted good actually even though we should have gone
for coffee, you know where you are.