She and He

for your information, our house was short of water supply for 2 days, and a hill-stacked-high of dirty clothes were accumulated in the basket. and finally today we went to grand ma's house to wash our body and clothes at the same time.

i headed to grand ma's house once i finish my work, after picking up my mom's call.

i stayed a little longer than my parents and sister cuz' they have to take my sister to tuition centre. and so, i watch drama with my grand ma and aunt for like 2 hours, taking diner too, enjoying a little time of mine to comfort myself. i always find myself being so comfortable and relax while i'm at my grand ma's house, a place where part of my life i was growing up.

grand ma watching so intently on the drama, and i watched her for 10 seconds, looking at her, she gets really old, and a slight heart-tearing i feeling within myself. i start thinking, looking at her reminded me of grand pa who already passed away. for all the hard moments she had been through, how actually she endures the pain?

the time she used to quarrel with him, the time she used to dine with him, the time she used to shop with him, the time she always spend with him, all had vanished once he passed away. every morning he will ask her to get breakfast together, now the voice was vibrating no more in the air; every evening she's cooks dinner for him, now no more the actual purpose she cracking her head to cook something good for him; every night she waited him back from outside to sleep together, side by side, and now the man sleeping on the mattress beside her was now no more there. even the mattress was already got rid by her, left nothing, just a cold, empty place where figured nothing could be placed, other than memories.

i started thinking how she sleeps through all the nights without his accompany? did she ever haunted by nightmare? the stillness of air is floating causing the ambiance covered with silence, every moment in the house, did she ever sheds a tear late in night?

all the questions popped out one by one, until a time i brought her up to her room to have a private moment between she and me. she told me about her stories when she was young, and his's too. and she told me too that some of the nights she couldn't sleep, and she crawls up from her bed and walks to the cupboard, pulling out the drawer and taking the jewellery she kept when she was young, somehow making her reminds of him.

she looks tired, and she misses him so much. that moment my heart was sore, sore looking at her getting through all these hard times; sore because my intelligence was so limited to cheer her up; sore because i didn't own a sufficient patience during his funeral.

i can still vaguely remembered the day we sending him away from his house for cremation, she was crying, crying so hard which that time i think she needs no to be like that. but now i know i was wrong, it should be such heart-breaking. for no more in her life could find the person she loved so though-roughly, in few more hours will be completely gone, left only ashes to be remembered.

i love you grand ma. for all the works you had done for me, guiding me teaching me loving me all this while, i can never find anything to thank you as return. half of my life has been spent with you, the bond is like the bond in diamond and sand, never be broken. i love you, and i really do.

i feel both sorry and sad, i don't know what else should i say.

i just don't know how true love working out, up to a point which somehow very suicidal.