After all, why do they care?

I watched a documentary about tattoos on the seniors and i'm quite bummed when they revealed their stories. Here i'm going to share a little piece of myself. I'm 23 years old. Up until this age, i can't say that i'd lived my life long enough to talk about how bad a person's life can be but i did live a period where my world was totally sunken dark.

I mentioned quite a lot of times that i discovered i was a little different from other guys around me at the age 17 but i didn't live well with myself so i started to be self-destructive that time. What's funny about this was my parents didn't even notice it. Anyway, i almost killed myself but i didn't. I reached out to the world outside and sought help. I uhm.. thank God for making technology nowadays advance enough to communicate to the outside world.

Then, i started thinking if i can get a tattoo. That crossed my mind at the age of +-18. But i have always wanted one when i was little maybe because my dad had a few on his back and i thought they were so cool. But the feeling was so strong i almost got one. At 18 i was very lost. I'm a lost teenager; im confused about myself and many other things that cannot be shared with my parents. So that moment i wanted something spiritually very strong to uphold my belief so i can stay strong and live my life. I really liked the meaning of Aztech and Polynesian tattoos. They are tribe tattoo with ages of history and great spiritual meaning. I told myself, that's it, i'm gonna get those when i save enough. Then, i confronted my dad about getting one and he stopped me. Our discussion didn't end well. So, he compromised with a condition: He will get me one, let it be big or small, on any part of my body, but i will have to wait until i graduated from my degree course. I was quite upset myself but i didn't want to upset my dad so i agreed. Now i'm going into year 4 in just 2 months time, how time flies. I think he wanted me to be sure about this and i can tell that the thought of getting my body tattooed just keep getting stronger.

A lot of my friends asked me those funny questions normally u got questioned when you want to tattoo. I lived in a pretty conservative country so it's not common people get themselves tattooed, and it held bad meanings most of the time. Time has changed now, it's about art and the meanings of it. So i told my friend, i just like body art so much, i breath them. And they stand for some meanings at some points of my life, they are no jokes, not many people really understand it.

I say, the toughest thing i have done so far is coming to accept myself, to be comfortable with myself, to live peacefully with myself, so i can love myself. It doesn't feel good to have constantly battling to yourself. So, if i can do my toughest thing, i can basically do anything. Until the day i'm ready to tell my parents about this, then i will be free. I don't know how positive or negative will it be but, let's see.

I'm not a mainstream person, and not all the non-mainstream people are attention seekers. They're just not comfortable with the norm people adapted to. I'm just like that; doing stuff that people always doubtful about. One thing a senior had said in the documentary "Everybody has their opinions about something and most of them stink." Think about it. I used to be easily upset when i'm not able to live up to my own expectations, or others. These days, things are changing. I've learnt not to be so hard on myself. Instead, i started to love myself. Work hard but love myself.

After all, why do they care?

Link to the documentary: You won't regret that tattoo