The past few days i was very stressful. I was under an indescribable pressure i couldn't tell how destructive and collapsing it was i couldn't even sleep well. It had been a long time i never had sleeping paralysis and i caught it few days ago. I was in a very bad shape. Very. I swear i never at the very least telling a lie and i literally losing my breath.
I don't know how to tell you how important the exams and knowledge are for me. And you probably think i'm crazy because a person can't possibly fail his live just because he freaking fails his exams. But let me assure you one thing, just one thing. It has a very big reason behind it and i'm struggling so hard.
Tuesday night i watched about Ricky Martin's interview with Oprah Winfrey and instantly i told myself i need to pay Kinokuniyah a visit. So i went there immediately after the CR exam on Wednesday. I spent a few hours there reading what he wrote in his biography and it gave me an instant relief. He somehow saved me.
Just a few minutes ago i watched a China singing show and one of the singer got eliminated. At the end of the programme she confessed a lot of things and that short brief second i broke down and cried like a mad man. You have no idea how much pressure i am bearing. I am still in the recovering stage and pretty vulnerable, her words just, swept away my last defense.
But that cry was really good. I'm feeling so light now. I realize one thing: no matter how strong you are you'll still have that weak and vulnerable moment and you have to let it out. Cry. It has been scientifically proven that it releases stress more than you can imagine. All the guys out there, if you don't know how to cry please learn because it can save you. Don't underestimate its effects and don't be ashamed of it. You need that. A man's still a mundane. We're not made up of iron. Even the robot breaks down.
I'm feeling light. So light.
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