anyway, today in the office i did some mistakes which Vicki called me to tidy the mess up, and there are actually quite a lot to do, and tomorrow i guess i'm going to spend another day at her place then. and Ms Low just came back from overseas, and she brought back some biscuits from Taiwan as she always did whenever she went abroad. so i ate LA cookies before, Belgium chocolates, Taiwan biscuits, Macau cookies as well, and maybe some other foods which i couldn't remember all.
and finally, Bosco came over to my place to borrow the mini laptop from me. of course, you know parents, they always worry about it because it indeed something expensive, and once it is lost means lost, you couldn't do anything. but seriously, right before i thought he had given me a hand when i really need it and i should pay that debt now, instead the idea of borrowing him my laptop strikes my brain just to help him out, simple as that.
of course i do have a little trustworthy on him or else i won't be borrowing him my laptop. after so many years of knowing him, and the way the sort things out, i think i should sometime free myself from all sorts of weariness and worries. i should own a little trusty on my friend. and he really needs help, and i know, i should help him out or he'll be in limbo, kinda.
i'm not saying i'm a very very nice person to lend such a thing to people, i just think i should help people, and he isn't somebody crosses my life and leaves me behind, he is my friend which we used to know each other almost up to 8 years maybe? so for that at least he worth me a little trustworthy. i hope you have taken a very good care on my precious little property, you know, i don't use to borrow people my things that easily unless they deserve it in my own opinion.
and today, as usual during the night which i have only less than 3 hours to watch 'Christian and Oliver', some weird thing happened. as i was watching i fantasized the future me dating a lady, more like my girlfriend and then works our life out. in that moment that sense of homosexual becomes a little, indistinct? insignificant? i don't know! see, i am totally a bi now, fantasize both genders and now i am scratching my head. oh and you know, i visited to one of the group on facebook discussing all about bisexual confusions and other things, it's so difficult and complicated. i don't know what would happen if i come out with that to my parents. i really don't know how are they going to cope with my sexuality. so for now i won't be telling them about this, until one day i really dated a guy, and for that and so on i don't want to hide from them but to confront. everyone deserves their own life without judgment.
but however, for the mean time, i just want to sort my things out. if it is possible i want to stay single until i finish my degree. i want to concentrate on my study cuz' i have to make sure that i'll be able to graduate to realize my dream! yeah i can't afford to fail or my life would have end miserably.
i want to buy a high cost condominium with my own design, i want to work overseas to accumulate experiences, i want to date a white guy or lady, i want to get married with him or her and a perfect church-garden wedding, i want to have my own family, 2 kids one boy and one girl no matter through pregnancy or adoption, and that'll be the perfect life i hoping for all these time. don't laugh, i did, i really hope to achieve all these things in my life, like a stage that couldn't afford to miss, these days. :D
well, you know, to realize, not visualize, i have to work hard now, real hard one. maybe somebody feels it is boring, but for a better future, i have no choice. my parents can't afford to send me study abroad, so i have to do it myself. instead of studying, i'll be working there as a professional one. i missed out one thing, demanding one.
that are my new goals in life, and so i know what should i do start from the day i start studying!
for all that, i willing to sacrifice everything, sit back and watch!
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