The things my sister reminded me of

I am not myself these days. I've been waiting for... stuff. Replies, messages, attention, from one particular person. I think... i'm in love.

The worst thing to be in love is you're no longer under control of yourself especially your emotion. My emotion tends to be manipulated by his action. I hate it because you can't even control your own self. Plus, I don't even know if he feels the same way. I visit temple very frequently these days because i can't quite get hold of myself. My emotion runs wild all the time. You know... the feelings of waiting for a simple reply? That ringtone so soft but manage to pull you out of your deep sleep and read the content. This is bad. I'm losing myself. I'm losing my value. I'm losing control.

Just now, my sister came to me and told me about her day. Apparently Ms Chan, my beloved mentor, noticed something is wrong with my sister and she wanted to help. So, she called her to stay after class and they had a long talk. Everything; studies, relationship. As my sister and I were talking, she reminded me of a lot of things i had told her when she was deeply in love. I told her to never lose your value no matter how in love you are. She has to protect herself just in case one day the relationship doesn't work. I told her to never be emotionally controlled by her lover. Don't die waiting for his messages, presence and be affected when things don't come as expected. I told her to never put her happiness solely in her lover's hand, they will drop and break it. I told her to never lose balance. I told her to always remember to love herself more. I told her so many things and yet i was the one who lose everything, over a flower bud no one knows will bloom.

He is to be blamed. He kept pulling my attention for a while now. At first i thought he was just fooling with me but he did it very frequently and started flirting with me. I don't know if he is for real or simply joking but he did it both publicly and privately lately, all via social media. I have been keeping my chill but i think im losing it. The worst thing is i don't know if he is into man? I'm not a shy person but will become reserve when i don't know a person's identity. Should I ask him out? Anyway, if he keeps on giving signals i'm really going to give it a shot.

However, after the conversation with my sister, i need to pull myself together and never be manipulated emotionally anymore. If we are meant to be together i believe things will fall into places. I have my own stuff to do i can't be so immerse with something that hasn't even came true. At the mean time, just, love yourself more. <3 p="">