Grief

I cried very badly deep in the night.

I finished up my assignment at about 3am and i decided to watch a movie before hitting the sack. So, i picked 'The Fault In Our Stars'. It was a good choice, but a bad choice. It was a fantastic film i wanted to read the book so badly and it was a awful film it made me cry like a madman.

You know the beginning was pretty everything seems just fine and beautiful and you just like it and out of a sudden everybody is dying. Gus died first and followed by Hazel lying on the deathbed.

My grandma got liver cancer, stage 4 liver cancer. I knew it last week and i wasn't feeling anything. I don't know what i should feel what i should do. I don't know. I thought after all these years of not seeing her my feelings for her somehow diminished. But it didn't. It's still here with me. As i saw the deathbed in the movie my grandma's face came to my mind. She brought me up. She loved me. Other than my parents she loved me the most. And she's dying. When Gus asked to listen to Hazel and Isaac's eulogy i cried even worse. A dying person listening to his own eulogy. Hazel asked Gus to write her one as well. He mailed it to the author in Amsterdam. He attended Gus's funeral and passed the email to her. The whole process was heart-wrenching.

You know, my grandma is dying and this movie is a foresight. This is what coming. I'm going to see my grandma in her deathbed very soon. I'm going to attend her funeral very soon. I'm going to see her cremated under thousand degree Celsius.

It feels terrible. I drenched my shirt writing this post.