It's time to leave things behind

This round of clinical attachment finally came to an end. If i would to use one sentence to sum up everything i've gone through the past 6 weeks, it would be 'If i can survive HKL, i can survive anywhere'.

HKL is a great place for clinical posting. It is the biggest hospital in Asia and you can find the strangest and toughest cases here itself. It is also a very strict place; punctuality, attire and all. In short, you have to be very discipline to work here. I enjoyed doing my posting here. I get to see all kind of cases; some i have seen and some i have never seen. I enjoyed it in that sense but this place has too many rules. It's tiring. Things like 'students are not allowed to bring their phones to the ward' but what i saw was those who are working use their phone like all the time when they are seeing patients. It's really hard to convince me when your staff are also against the rules so publicly.

The workload. We have to complete 6 full assessments everyday and pass it up the next morning. The fact is, we don't only see 6 patients in a day, we see more than 10. It is just we need to the write up for only 6 cases. We have many things to learn, to look up for but by the end of the day i left not much energy i just need to hit the sack or i wouldn't be able to wake up SO EARLY the next morning. Sleep is very important to me. I can stay up study and fail a test but if i sleep enough, i can probably pass with ease. Things may change when i start working. Anyway, when you get use to it becomes a habit and 6 cases will then be fine.

The odds are really heavy because other than the workloads there are dramas every week believe it or not. I cannot remember how many times we got called into the HOD's room. What hold us together was friendship. I met so many great souls. We didn't really hang out but we spent a lot of time talking to each other. We built our friendship like that slowly until the day i finally leave HKL, i know i'm going to miss them. I met one UTAR friend and i'm closer to him than other UTAR peeps cuz' we use the same way to go home. He is pretty good looking and he also smiles a lot. To be honest, i'm attracted to him because he really likes smiling. He has all the quality i like: Timid, a little shy, reserved, like to smile.. But those are at the superficial level so... Anyway, nothing is going to happen. Then i realise, i can never stop being myself cuz it is so comfortable. I enjoyed looking at guys and i do get attracted to them but at the same time, i develop an affection for girls, specifically a girl i spent so much time with and i still do like her but it is just not the time yet to get into a relationship. We both know. We have that mutual understanding for that i respect her a lot. This is just me. I tried picking a side but i couldn't. My sister told me to stop being so harsh to myself, if this is you, just be yourself. So i guess it's time to put this issue down and continue my journey already. I learnt something precious the two weeks i spent with him. It's just too bad the two of us didn't get to take a picture together cuz' he left so soon after 5pm yesterday. Such a waste to not be able to say goodbye to him personally and i get kinda sulky the way back home but who knows God had some plan planned ahead. I met him when i got out of the station and he approached me and asked why was I so late. I asked him the same thing and he said he was waiting for his friend whom apparently on the same train as me. Haha! We didn't get to exchange much words that time but as we said goodbye abruptly and i was walking to my car, i smiled. It's the perfect way to say goodbye, to everything.

On the final 2 days in HKL i attended hydrotherapy class. I learnt so many things but still yet to figure out which condition is best for hydrotherapy. I enjoyed the workshop a lot mainly cuz i was with great companies.

Thank you, HKL. Goodbye, HKL.

The littlest thing

I've been reminding myself to always think outside of the box cuz the norm is boring, is blindly followed and really lifeless, it's like life without spices thus no surprises. Some days i get too hard on myself and it makes my mind a mess. I have to tell myself to take a step back and take a deep breath. Appreciate the scent of fresh oxygen for a second. When that happens, i will spend some alone time to put my scattered thoughts in place and take that short moment to cultivate my thinking. That's when i started to appreciate the littlest things around me. Without the small pictures, the core memory can never be formed. How funny people always talk about their 'big picture' and take all the little ones for granted.

Keep walking, don't stop.

I fucked up a beautiful day

Today the chief augmented a very important event; a meaningful event to all the physical therapists around the world- The World Physiotherapy Day. It was supposed to happen last week but due to heavy workloads in the hospital the HOD of physical therapy department decided to put it a week later. It took quite some effort to make this function successful and there i feel this function has brought all of us together- HOD, physical therapists, and physical therapy students. It will continue for another 3 days and may God bless us. 

I had my lunch with a group of new friends i met in this clinical placement. They are from UKM and they are incredible, passionate, and sincere group of people. You feel energetic when you are doing things with them. It is that passionate they are and working with these people makes you positive. But on the same day, i had a small conflict with my friend, too. I was explaining to her about how HOD will need our help tomorrow so she cannot sit for her exam, she will have to postpone it. She grimaced and said some stuff and i lost it i spoke a little too loud, and the worst is, i walked away straightaway afterwards. She didn't want to talk to me the rest of the day. I feel bad, terrible in fact, for doing that and i know i have that issue long ago. I just don't know why i couldn't control it. I did it and i regretted that. So, i sent her a text message saying how sorry i am, she saw it and she never replied. I did feel bad and i do what i should since i know this is my problem long ago. I apologized and she seemed to hold grudges..? Sometimes i wish i could just keep quiet and let things roll down hill and don't give a shit but my damn temper always kicked me out of my place. I feel so bad i feel like i fucked up a beautiful day.

I tend to overthink, probably things weren't as bad as it seem.. I know how important exams and stuff are but we are now doing clinical placement where we are kinda working too, you can be a little flexible, can't you? That's from my perspective. Anyway, i still feel bad about it so i hope it would not be awkward when i see her tomorrow. Talking to guys was a lot easier.. it's either we are good or we fight on the spot.. matter solved. lol.

Something worth remembering

I abandoned my blog for quite some time, i just have too much to do and the reason i'm still awake now at 3.25am is quite stupid- How it feels to stay up late for movies. HAH! Anyway, i got quite something to tell in this post, it's more like a compilation post again. These are great memories and now is the time to write down these beautiful moments.

I started another round of clinical posting 2 weeks ago. This round i'm doing it in Hospital Kuala Lumpur, HKL. This is a pretty hectic place but so far so good, routine job is about the same either in the office or hospital; treat patients and tans of documents to do. We have a lecturer there at HKL every subsequent week until the end of our posting. On the first week, Dr Arun was there and we had so much fun together. I like him a lot. He was very helpful in my research and during that week, our barrier kinda vanished; we are more like friends rather than lecturer-student. He resigned not long ago and that week was our last time seeing him around. So my friends and i treated him lunch at Pizza Hut and i hope he had fun too. Good luck in your future undertakings!

Then, I met up with my ex-colleagues. We had a lot of great moments; we talked and laughed and shared and sometimes being sarcastic. We have a pretty great age gap but we get along quite well and i wish it will go as long as it can. They are part of my core memory. My memories before i resigned for degree course was tremendously blessed by God. Every rendezvous is just another blessing!

On Saturday i met up with my old friends too. We grow up together so we hang out a lot. We shared a lot of great and bad memories, and those are also my core memories. Sometimes you feel great to have them sometimes you just want to slap and be away from them. But at the end of the day you will still look for them for comforts, fun and all. May our friendship go long!

Oh.. and this one here is just for fun, Hah!