The faraway place you once promised youself

It took me long to remember the promises i once promised myself. I got carried away by the novel i read not long ago, being in it for quite a while and got depressed after realizing how cruel the world is. Then, a chain of incidents happened and they pull me back from my poor fantasy and depression.

I started my clinical placement, the last one, finally, and that means i'll be meeting a lot of people from different background. On one ordinary day, i met a guy dressed so ordinarily walked into the department. We chatted for quite some time as treatments were going on. He told me his story and it motivated me. You won't believe this ordinary guy sitting right in front of me can be so... unbelievably motivating. He kinda took part of my worries away. He told me 'Just go, go get what you want, be brave to dream. If you dream, make sure you dream big.' I was still doubting, he continued 'What can go wrong? What can possibly go so wrong?' This sentence pierced right through my heart. What can go so wrong, he said, yes, what can possibly go so wrong?

Then, i saw a Facebook post and it brought back all the promises i once swore i would one day fulfill. It was written in Mandarin and can be translated as 'never forget the faraway place you once promised yourself'. 

- I promised to study hard and go abroad to work and find my happiness there.

- I promised to study hard and go abroad to build a family i've longed for so long.

- I promised to never forget to treat patients with my heart and never get carried away by money.

- I promised to use the littlest money to give the most to the patients who can't afford medical fees.

- I promised as long as it is manual skills i can perform rather using machines, i will do it because it doesn't cost much as it is under my control.

I remember that time i told myself that money will never dictate my life but as i got closer to the society, i realize these probably just fantasies. It requires so much to stay alive; get food, pay bills etc. How ironic.

Then, i remember that one thing i once said to a friend 'We have come so far; out of a million sperms, we won, we were the chosen ones, and we struggle so long to grow up and finally capable of making decisions that are right for ourselves, why not just be brave to live, let live and enjoy life? Enjoy the Earth, a place we will only visit once and never come back anymore when the time finally arrives.' Since when i've become such a coward? Or i have always been a coward i just didn't know?

P/S: I read a book today. It's a photography journal about a baby and a dog. Look up 'Maru in Michigan' and you shall find tans of pictures about them. Oh, they are one cute happy gay family. ;)