Pilates

I recently volunteered myself in picking up Pilates in my company. I joined Pilates classes roughly 1 month ago and fell in love with in ever since. I started doing more and watching videos online, and even thinking on going down this path. I was thinking more than i should because if i offer myself to my company into taking up this course, i probably won't be able to return to KL any time soon. I knew i wanted to do this deep down but i somehow craving for someone's approval and i just knew to whom should i call. My mom. We were talking casually, then i slowly bring in the topic and then she just said 'do it!' Just like that, straight after the phone call, i walked into my manager's office and told her all about my plan for Pilates.

I'm gathering information and completing the documentation for enrolling myself into the course. I knew i'm putting myself into more strain and i hated myself for it just as much as i can't wait any longer diving into it. I know i need to do this. I know it will worth my time and effort. I knew it will open up a whole new horizon in my career. Despite to have more assignments, theoretical and practical home works to submit before deadlines. Deadlines again. I'm returning to the deadlines life after 3 years.

Anyway, i hope the management is going to approve my request. I already started on my first homework even before i get the approval. I have to say i'm really excited about this new journey. Never in my thought that i would go down this Pilates path. May God ease everything.

What's the plan You have for me?

I thought i wanted to post a blog post everyday in Japan, seems that i lost track! Anyway, I had a great time in Japan. I'm still constantly thinking about Japan because... it is truly a nice place to visit. Hope to go again some day soon.

I recently received a lot of critical patients my back started to hurt as i work. Every time I see them getting better another critical patient comes in. It's never ending. But it was so satisfying to see them recover, moving a little better every day. I really love my job for this exact reason. Maybe because of that, too, I received a lot of foods recently ;)

I had been chatting with this person online and we finally met each other yesterday. We had a good long hours of chat until the shop literally chased us out. We called it the night then. I'm afraid to open up myself to others. I'm afraid to have my heart broken, or even fooled. I have had enough and I don't think i can take this pain anymore. Then, as much as I hope not to look for love, I went online (dating apps) and talk to people. I hate the community. They want everything instant. They love hooking up. They love NSA. I don't understand, I never did. Connection. Why aren't people looking for connection? It's difficult. And this happened.

I think, no matter how much you resists love, you crave for it even more. The more you suppress the more you struggle. I don't know how should I respond to it... really. Last night, I looked up the sky and asked, again, what plan do You have for me?

Japan Trip Day 1

What a longggggg trip getting there! Flying from Penang to Kl to DMK to Nagoya then bus to Takayama to my hostel. Basically day 1. However, i made it to Nagoya castle! Also because of that i missed my bus to Takayama lol! Luckily the staff was kind enough to change the time for me without additional charges. 

I wasn’t that excited about this trip at first. The first thing is the distance, and I’m super exhausted from work making me too lazy for this trip. My sister kept saying that I’m wasting money because I don’t look like a person going on a holiday! Anyway, I’m here now and after the shower, fatigue kinda sets in. I know I’ll be all excited tomorrow when i wake up afresh!

Day 1 is basically asking questions. A lot of questions. Thank God the Japanese are kind enough to help me through although they are not fluent in English. I appreciate their kindness especially I’m all alone here. I was so afraid I’m not able to make it to my hostel but luckily things worked out. 

I’ve taken many pictures. Mostly Nagoya. Out of so many shots, i love this the most. It’s almost like paradise on earth. And human almost doesn’t deserve that. 

Thinking of becoming a dad

I went home last CNY. Seeing friends that I haven't met in a very long time and catching up on what they're up to is thrilling. They have so many plans up their sleeves! One of the most interesting news was my friend is getting married this coming September. Can't wait for their wedding! A friend who got married almost 1 year ago, their twins are growing so fast they are learning how to walk now! Time flies, even faster especially when you reach my age. It seems that everybody is heading to some direction.

That trip back home made me think a little. My parents said something i never thought they would. I don't know if my mother was hinting me or what; she had been talking about gay marriage, test tube babies, surrogacy etc. I asked her why she never was worried about me being single all along, which unlike other asian parents because most would have freaked out by now. Coming from a Chinese background, most parents would have wanted their kids to get married, have children and stuff like that but my parents... is quite the contrary. I'm lazy to elaborate on what they've told me but... they surprised me. 

Being gay is difficult. Being in a circle that's totally opposite to where I come from is difficult. Understanding the culture of that circle is not easy because to be honest, I'm old school. I tried knowing people online but it never end well. I like to take things step by step instead of jumping to the conclusion- lust. 

I know that when i hit 30, i want to have some achievement in my career, that's pretty basic. I also wanted to have kids. I wanted to be a father a long time ago. My parents have given me so much love and i wish that my kids have the same opportunity to experience that. I have been following a married gay couple on instagram where they share from how they met to having 2 children of their own through IVF and surrogacy. They even put up the ultrasound image of the foetus. The reason I'm writing this is because for gay couple, it takes so much love and effort from so many people in order to bring two little lives to the world. I wish that if that day ever come, i want my kids to know that we love you guys very much, love you enough to bring you here. I want you to grow up well and smart and make some kind impact onto the world we're living in. Remember that your dad never stopped loving you.

Guess... i just have to be a single father!